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The Tulsa World Gives Me Nightmares

By Tony

12:01 AM EST on February 13, 2008

Yesterday, there was an article in the Tulsa World that will surely go down as the scariest news story of 2008. This was not about a murderer on the loose or some incurable disease that's spreading across the country: No, this story involves speculation that Tom Coburn could be selected as John McCain's running mate in the 2008 election.

I think we all can agree that this is somewhere between "hilariously bad" and "horrifyingly bad" on the scale of bad ideas.

Still, it would be pretty cool to have an Oklahoman in the White House (or, I guess, one heartbeat away from the White House). It's just that there are so many better choices than Coburn. Here are a few ideas for potential presidential running mates, and what they would bring to the ticket/administration:

Brad Henry

Can you hear it now, fellow citizens? We're talking Green Card Lottery Expert.

James Hale

Could convince a nation that, even in a time of recession, that nothing is wrong. And when one of the president's bills gets voted down, could make it clear that the President never wanted the bill to pass in the first place. Also, would likely shut down all of America's Burger Kings.

Megan Mullalley

Has a shockingly boisterous following that would immediately enthuse campaign.

Doug Gottlieb

When a gaffe occurs during the campaign, could deflect attention away from the candidate by running around with his pants on backwards.

Paul Harvey

Uniquely qualified for job as politician as he has no problem telling outlandish, colorful stories with little basis in fact.

Dr. Phil

Can apparently solve massive problems with nothing more than a 1-hour television program. Imagine what he could do if he had a 1-hour television program PLUS the ability to control the United States Navy. I know, right?

Dear readers, tell us what Okie you'd like to see on the ticket this November.

(And thanks to the elusive BabySealClubSamich for alerting me to this potential atrocity)

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