Markwayne’s ICE Pick Caught Embellishing Resume… 

Over the weekend, The PunchUp obtained, published and appropriately mocked the official resume of Lance Schroyer – Marcuswayne Mullin’s former bodyguard and handpicked choice to lead ICE who, despite lacking any relevant experience or qualifications, was nominated to oversee the agency.

Remember that?

Schroyer's resume – which doesn’t mention anything about his time served protecting Ryan Walters – is pretty comical and ironic.

First of all, it reads like it was written by the world’s most self-impressed state trooper, rambling on about how he successfully implemented the 2024 solar eclipse preparations, managed the teacher walkout and commanded patrol operations during an NBA championship parade.

You know, things that are totally relevant to running ICE. 

Second, it proves that even the noblest and most serious law-enforcement professional isn’t above twisting the truth when a promotion is on the line!

For example, Schroyer lists being a “devoted and loyal father, husband, and friend” among his “special achievements.” That’s a pretty bold resume bullet for a guy who’s reportedly been married three times and was once accused of never making a single court-ordered child-support payment to one of his ex-wives.

Yes, I know the Daily Beast tends to oversensationalize stuff like we do, but the gist of its report is correct. “Family Man” Lance Schroyer was ordered to pay around $300 a month in child support following his 2017 divorce, and his ex-wife later accused him of never making a single payment.

The court papers show Schroyer’s second wife, Andrea, went after him in Rogers County, Oklahoma, on July 27, 2021, asking a judge to hold him in contempt. When the pair divorced on January 12, 2017, he was ordered to pay her $304.37 a month in child support for their children. Instead, her application claims, he “refused” and “has never made a child support payment.”

The filing accuses Schroyer of “willful and contemptuous actions” that allegedly left his ex covering “food, utilities, buying supplies for school, extra curricular activities and clothing” for the kids on her own. It claims he told her he was “refusing to pay for the children while they are in her care,” and that he “has never taken the minor children for routine check ups or doctor’s appointments while they were in his care.” She also claimed he left her name on a jointly held Best Buy credit card, denting her credit.

The dispute ended quietly. In 2022, his ex dropped the case and wrote off the money owed, with the couple’s custody arrangement reworked. Schroyer—who has been married three times and has two adult children from the marriage—did not respond when asked about the case, and neither did his ex-wife or their lawyers.

Yeah, that’s not too surprising. If you asked an FBI profiler to create a composite sketch of the average Markwayne Mullin supporter, backer or friend who was put into a job position he didn't deserve, it would probably be a buzz-cut tough guy who owed back child support, never chipped in for his kids’ school supplies and drove an F-350 with a pair of truck nuts dangling from the hitch.

I wonder if Schroyer drives one of those, too!

Anyway, you can read more about Schroyer’s ridiculous résumé over at PunchUp or the Daily Beast. For what it’s worth, it’s not just the left-wing media mocking him.

According to the conservative Daily Mail, Schroyer may not even survive the confirmation process. 

Yeah, when even the Daily Mail is reporting that things inside DHS are “really f***ing bad,” guess what? They’re probably really fucking bad!

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.