It’s not just the customer wallets that take a beating at Seth Wadley Chevrolet!
Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned that a Maysville man was recently acquitted of felony assault charges stemming from a Lake Texoma ruckus that left Pauls Valley car mogul – and Tiger King icon – Seth Wadley more bruised and battered than one of Joe Exotic’s dusty old ball caps.
Normally, this is the part of the article where we’d quote a third-party source, but the local media – which happily accepts advertising money from Seth Wadley – has largely ignored the criminal assault case, so we have to tell it ourselves.
Back in June of last year, a golf-cart-involved melee broke out on the Soldier Creek boat docks at Lake Texoma involving Seth Wadley, a man named Adam Morton, and a bunch of other lake folk who probably made it big in landscaping and construction.
According to our Moles, I guess Wadley was allegedly driving erratically, like a drifter fleeing Joe Exotic, and almost hit some teens walking down a road. This apparently made the teens' parents mad, so they formed a posse of cats and kittens to confront Wadley.
At least this is what we think happened.
Anyway, I guess there was a showdown of sorts. Words flew, threats were made, and before you could talk to a manager, a royal rumble of sorts involving wives, husbands, and Seth Wadley ensued. When the cops arrived and the clear coat settled, Joe Exotic’s car sponsor was found “severely beaten.”
A long police investigation into the assault ensued, and eventually, they tracked down some Fozzy Bear wannabe named Adam Morton and charged him with assault.
Here’s a picture of him with his lovely wife. Wocka Wocka.
Other than looking like a Muppet, or some other creation from the Jim Henson workshop, we don't know a lot about Adam.
According to the Ogle Mole Network, he has been described as a real “piece of shit” and part of a “group that jumped” Wadley, while other people, like me, think of him as a working man’s hero who took out collective frustration on interstate car dealers who make a living ripping people off.
Based on how Morton reacted to the Wadley Whoopin’ – which is what they now call the incident in Wynnewood – it's hard not to semi-admire him.
Regardless of what you think about Morton, a Marshall County jury acquitted him of all charges, including both Aggravated Assault and Battery and the lesser included Assault and Battery.
We don’t have room in the budget for a Marshall County courthouse reporter, so we don’t know exactly why they made that decision. Could they have deemed he used self-defense? That’s possible. But if you ask me, there was probably uncertainty over who landed the most vicious blows.
For example, Wadley claims he was struck by multiple people multiple times and wasn’t sure who landed what. In fact, he couldn’t even tell which wife kicked him in the head.
Yikes. Wadley didn’t know which wife joined in and kicked him in the head? It’s crazy how a fantasy can turn into a nightmare so fast!
Once again, we weren’t at the trial, but you have to think that Morton’s lawyers seized on the fact that Wadley couldn’t recall who did what. I guess you can't blame him. When you’re getting your ass kicked by a giant bear man, it’s probably hard to tell one pair of women’s shoes apart from another.
“Officer! It was the kitten in the kitten heel! Or wait. The red pumps. THE RED PUMPS!!!"
As a fan of JFK, angry women and tabloid journalism, we took a deep dive into the case to determine the identity of this second kicker. Here are three possibilities:
Megan Morton: Married to defendant Adam Morton, Megan seems an obvious suspect to have accompanied her beastly husband in the golf cart down to the docks. But there's something about her small-town teacher vibe that makes us think she's probably too sweet to have taken a pair of Mary Janes to Seth's noggin.
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Nina Wadley: If you think dealing with car dealers once every five to eight years is brutal, imagine having to live with one! Once he was down on the ground, she probably couldn't resist a chance to get in one kick.
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Carole Baskin: If this Tiger King kook could vanish a husband without a trace, it wouldn’t be too shocking if she made a dockside cameo to show Seth just what she thinks of the stupid hat she still sees in her Joe Exotic nightmares.
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At this point, I guess it’s anyone’s guess what exactly happened that night under the pale moonlight at the Soldier Creek docks.
Is Morton truly innocent, or did he get away with the ass-whoopin' of the century? Will Wadley file a civil suit and try to ruin Morton's credit, or will he get him in an upside-down loan and let that take care of things instead?
Yes, there are many questions remaining about this brouhaha, and if we find out any answers, we'll be sure to let you know.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.
