Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed a steady stream of Oklahoma’s new socialism MAGA wing-ding license plates appearing across our state’s roadways.
In case you forgot what it looks like, here’s a reminder:
Whether you think it’s paying homage to Oklahoma’s MAGA red leanings, foundation-altering soil, or socialist roots, there’s one thing most Oklahomans can agree on: Our new state license plate sucks.
Seriously, it’s terrible, and somehow looks even worse in person! It sticks out like a rash on your car’s rear end.
Because our new plates are so bad, I thought it would be nice to do a public service for TLO readers and scroll through our catalog of specialty plates to find 10 decent alternatives.
After a quick look through them, I sadly realized that ranking the 10 Best Oklahoma License Plates is kind of like ranking the 10 Most Fuckable Oklahoma Lawmakers – a fool’s errand – but still one I had to do.
Here we go…
Buffalo
I could be wrong, but I think this was the plate Mary Fallin rejected in 2016 before they settled on the Hunger Games Fly Catcher Mountain Sky plate.
I don’t think it’s a bad design – I kind of dig the uncommon sunset color combo – but who other than Toby Rowland calls us “The Pioneers of the Prairie”? I’ve lived here my entire life – bummer, huh? – and I’ve never heard one person say or use that phrase. Let’s please keep it that way.
Tony Stewart
Are you an aggressive, white-trash asshole who loves road rage, Home Depot, and driving around in circles? Then darn tootin’, have we got a license plate for you!
Tony Stewart is one of the classic bad guys in NASCAR racing history, and you can pay homage to him with this special plate. But don’t worry. If some other guy who drives around in a high-speed billboard on wheels has your heart, there are plenty of NASCAR plates available.
Tulsa Flag
Sure, it may make the back of your car look like a monkey’s ass, but it’s still better than the current option.
Pearl Harbor Survivor
I think there are more military and armed forces-themed Oklahoma specialty plates available than there are still-living Pearl Harbor survivors. But if you’re one of the few still-living centenarians who survived that “day that will live in infamy” – and were also alive when Oklahoma moved away from the 46-star flag because it was deemed too socialist – this is the plate for you.
University of Kansas
I’ll admit I’m not an expert on specialty plate laws, but why are we letting people put universities from other states on Oklahoma license plates? If you ask me, that should be prohibited. Then again, I’d rather roll around with a Rock Chalk Jayhawk tag than the stupid thing we now have.
Wildlife Conservation – Scissor-tailed flycatcher
Out of all the plates, this one is probably my favorite. I like the towering white clouds, the big blue sky rising above the pretty green field, and – even though it’s an overused symbol – the scissor-tailed flycatcher. In fact, how is this not our standard plate? Is it a bit too pleasing to the eye? The last thing we’d want is a nice, visually appealing license plate, right?
Don’t Tread on Me
If you love guns, think the NRA specialty plate is too liberal, and want other drivers to know you’re a right-wing nut who thinks Timothy McVeigh had some good ideas, you can’t go wrong with the Don’t Tread on Me plate. It’s clean, appealing to the eye, and just intimidating enough that people won’t tailgate you.
Original 46-Star Plate
This is the original 46-star plate that Stitt and Company ripped off for their hatchet job of a plate. I actually like this one – it’s clean, incorporates the state’s original logo, and isn’t decorated with tiny, hard-to-read wing-dings at the bottom. It’s a shame that this plate will now get lost in the red sea with the shitty "Imagine That!" new ones.
CPA
Are you an introvert? Do you hate human interaction? Do you want passing motorists to know that you’re not fun at parties? If so, get this CPA plate and place it on the back of your car. Everyone will leave you alone, unless, of course, they have a question about taxes.
National Weather Center
This plate is perfect for those who work in meteorology and like Oklahoma’s severe weather. It's also good for those who want to make it impossible for law enforcement and toll road scanners to make out the letters and numbers. Just remember that may get you in trouble with the law.
-
Anyway, those are 10 plates that may make fine alternatives to our new one. If you think I missed one, let me know in the comments.
