Siguiente Traducción: Possible Slogans for Calle Dos Cinco in Historic Capitol Hill

Last week, the good people of Calle Dos Cinco in southwest Oklahoma City—the historic district that has risen from the ashes to create a visible force in the community— launched a contest to select a new name for the Capitol Hill Community Plaza.

“What a great idea,” I thought, especially if there are racists, white supremacists, Proud Boys, and Trumpers in the shallow end of the drowning pool.

Either way, I am glad the people of Capitol Hill are choosing their own pathway, starting with the naming of its plaza. Sadly, most of the options are colorless names, like Plaza de las Americas, OKC Plaza Parties, Plaza de Colores, and Plaza Calle dos Cinco, which aren’t too bad, but are also excruciating plain.

Wracking my stroke-addled brain, here are some suggestions that contain the history, the passion, and the well-padded dollar-signs needed to get this project off the ground…

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El Nuevo Distrito Plaza (The New Plaza District)

Starting with this—perhaps the best district in town, dammit!—why not mimic the astounding success of the Plaza District—but with a trademarked Latino flavor. With all the ice cream, thrift shops, and yoga studios they expect but without the unwanted appropriation, it’s money in the bank.

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Memoria de Nuestros Restaurantes Mexicanos Caídos (Memory of Our Fallen Mexican Restaurants)

Maybe my math is wrong, but it feels like close to 150 Mexican and Mexican-adjacent restaurants close per day in the metro, most of which are located in an old Braum's. For the restaurants that were unable to keep refilling the free bowl of chips, this dour memorial is for them, the fallen brethren.

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Las Representaciones del Gran Artista del Capitol Hill (The Grand Artist's Representations of Capitol Hill)

Although architects and developers mean well, rarely, if ever, do artists' renderings match real life. Well, unless you're whitewashing a gentrified East-side development, but that's another story for a different day.

Either way, renderings are nothing more than a conceptual art form, detailing imaginary rolling buses, wandering patrons, and gorgeous scenery that will never be realized, but we can at least pretend.

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Plaza del Gobernador Herido (Plaza of the Wounded Governor)

Besides his anti-Indigenous rhetoric, no other politician has wounded Oklahoma’s non-Caucasian residents more than Kevin Stitt. Between the disastrous trips to the Mexico border to his similarly disastrous trips to the overflowing bathroom, here, his pain guides us to the wounded governor in all of us.

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Plaza Memorial El Santo (El Santo Memorial Square)

Everybody loves superheroes, but none of these white-bread will ever compare to the great Santo – Leyenda de Plata. With the pop-cultural significance and the legendary status of the beloved crusader, what’s better than an immortal sentinel, protecting the many citizens not only in Oklahoma City, but the whole world.

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Follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler and Instagram at @louisfowler78.