7 Oklahoma Election Night Observations…
7:01 AM EDT on August 24, 2022
Pop the champagne and toot the trumpets and trombones! It was a great night to be a conservative public school grifter in Oklahoma!
I don't know when that picture was taken or who else is in it, but once again – it's nice to see the Stitt-Walters Bromance bloom!
Yesterday, about 10% or so of Oklahoma's residents participated in the statewide runoff election. There weren't any super surprising results, but I thought it would still be topical and prudent to share some of my observations.
Here we go!
1. Oklahoma Public Education is F*cked
In all fairness, public education in Oklahoma has seemingly been f*cked for its entire existence, so maybe a better bullet point would read – "Oklahoma Public Education is royally f*cked."
Anti-Woke public school grifter playboy Ryan Epic-Barresi-Walters snuck by less-than-perfect public school establishment candidate April Grace in the GOP runoff for State School Superintendant by a 53.4% to 46.6% result.
Since it's virtually impossible for a human with a "D" by its name to win a statewide election result in Oklahoma thanks to rural yahoos – the people who will be most negatively impacted by Walters's rule – it all but seals his victory in the upcoming general election.
Seriously, I don't think anything can stop him for winning. We could learn next week that he's under investigation from the FBI, or that he had an illicit affair with a fellow teacher from McAlester High School that prompted his wife to have a revenge affair with a local business owner, and I doubt it would do anything to slow his rise to the top.
2. Right-Wing Yahoos Narrowly Lose State Senate Races
Hey, this news is kind of positive!
Scott Esk and Jarrin Jackson – two right-wing crazies who probably root for the South in Civil War movies – narrowly lost their GOP runoff races for state house.
We covered Esk during his unsuccessful run for the House in 2014 after he claimed the government should have the right to execute homosexuals. We didn't cover Jackson at all on this site. This is because A) I'm getting tired of giving these dudes more attention than they deserve, and B) we have a national media to do that for us.
Although it's cool these quacks lost, the sad part is how many votes they received:
I don't know a lot about their opponents. I'm sure they have warped views, too, but it's nice to know at least some GOP voters still have an ounce or two of decency.
On that note...
3. 127,000 Oklahomans voted for Sean "The Shlub" Roberts
Despite his ex-wife once testifying under oath that Roberts harassed, tormented, beat, and abused her, 127,000 Oklahomans still voted for Sean "The Shlub" for Labor Commissioner:
If you're a stereotypical GOP voter, I know Leslie Osborne isn't a perfect candidate. She doesn't believe in Jewish space lasers or think the 2020 presidential election was stolen, but how in the world could you vote for a guy like Roberts? He's the total antithesis of all those moralistic values that extreme GOP voters claim they represent!
Hehe. Just kidding. We know a good chunk of them are misinformed hypocritical cult worshipers with no moral compass or values. Plus, he displayed that "Let's Go, Brandon" sign for the Christmas parade. The fact that Roberts didn't win is a mild surprise.
4. Josh Brecheen tops Avery Frix for US Congress
Josh Brecheen – pictured above and to the left – narrowly defeated Avery Frix in the race to replace Markwayne in US Congress.
That's awesome. Thanks to his comical 19th-century views on science, evolution, and all other divisive wedge issues, Josh was one of my favorite Oklahoma politicians to cover last decade. I can't wait to write about all the stupid things he says and does as a Congressman for Derplahoma's 2nd Congressional District.
4. Expect more glowing campaign letters from Kevin Calvey's daughter
Oklahoma County Commissioner Kevin Calvey – the wealthy right-wing former lawmaker with the flowbee haircut – soundly defeated prosecutor Gayland Geiger to represent the GOP in the Oklahoma County DA race.
We actually invited Geiger to come on The Lost Ogle Show a month or so ago and he never responded back, so for petty personal reasons, I'm actually kind of glad Calvey won!
This sets up what should be an interesting race between Calvey and Democrat Vicki Behenna for DA.
Behenna's claim to fame is getting her son – Michael Behenna – exonerated and pardoned for a murder he was convicted of committing while serving in Iraq, so even though she'll have a pesky "D" by her name, it may be enough to sway some "stick a boot up their ass" conservative votes her way.
6. Markwayne Mullin throttles TW Shannon...
Although he may come up short in some areas, Markwayne Mullin – the epitome of every macho, truck nut, "reading is for sissies" dude-bro in this state – spanked TW Shannon in the race to replace Jim Inhofe in the US Senate:
You have to feel a tad sorry for T-Dubya. This is the second time in eight years he's been run over in a Senate runoff. Maybe he'll have better luck when he runs for Governor or whatever in six years?
Also, this means it's all but official that Markwayne Mullin is going to be our next US Senator. I guess that's not surprising. If one state was ever going to put a guy named Markwayne in the hallowed Senate halls, it was probably going to be Oklahoma. He'll stick out there like a terd that won't flush.
7. Democrats Show Their Horns
Madison Horn – a really cool TLO Show guest who shares a great-great-grandparent with Markwayne Mullin – comfortably defeated Jason Bollinger – another cool TLO Show guest who's not related to Markwayne – to represent Democrats at the slaughterhouse in the US Senate race against James Lankford:
With Madison's victory, it means Oklahoma will have two smart, professional, ambitious women named Horn facing off against right-wing conservative male blowhards for the US Senate. Both of the ladies will be lucky to get 35% of the vote.
Anyway, I guess that wraps up this recap. Share your observations in the comments.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.
Stay in touch
Sign up for our free newsletter
More from The Lost Ogle
Jason Hackett leaving KOCO Channel 5…
He's taking a job at KARE 11 in Minneapolis.
Top 10 TLO articles for November
We've somehow survived another month!
Ryan Walters’s new hair part goes super hard to the right…
An Ogle Mole spotted him out having a drink this past Monday afternoon.
Drew Stitt questioned by OSU police after trying to saw parking boot off pick-up truck…
He's been ticketed for 17 parking infractions this semester and has been labeled a "habitual" offender.