With only a few days left before the August runoff election, political campaigns all across that state are kicking into ultra-pandering mode.
For example, Ryan Epic-Barresi-Walters – the car vlogger playboy destined to be our next State Public Schools Superintendant – hit up what appears to be the Oklahoma Horseshoeing School (Tulsa Campus) with Governor Kevin Stitt yesterday as part of their united quest to privatize, destroy and grift the Hell out of public education in Oklahoma.
Check this out:
Tulsa won’t go woke! Get out today and vote and help us push back on the national teacher unions and the far left. pic.twitter.com/4AceXL4mxg
— Ryan Walters (@ryanmwalters) August 18, 2022
Dear God. It's like they've turned into an Evangelical version of the Night at the Roxbury guys! I can see Stitt and Walters hitting up all the Wednesday night rural church services, bobbing their heads to DC Talk remixes, trying to groove with any woman they can find.
Also, on behalf of all the woke and un-woke people in this state who want to ban books from libraries, I'd like to sincerely thank the "hot in a Pentecostal type of way" woman in the blue dress for helping distract me from A) Ryan Walter's voice and B) Stitt's super-human eyebrows!
No lie, every time I hear Ryan talk I feel like I'm watching a white trash version of The Californians, and every time I see Stitt's constipated face I'm terrified the eyebrows are going to ask me how to fold in cheese! Give that woman a medal and emergency teaching certificate for doing the lord's work and making the video semi-tolerable!
In all seriousness, I guess one positive thing about Ryan's rise from the ranks of high school history teacher to likely State School Superintendant has been watching his bromance with Kevin Stitt brew like a latte from the Harbor Mountain Coffee House.
It feels like it was just yesterday that Ryan and Stitter were swinging skinny ties over their shoulders and sliding down stair rails together at McAlester High School. Now they're only a few votes away from getting their grift on with ever more public education dollars! Exciting stuff, huh?
To make this budding brokeback friendship even sweeter is that the wives are friends, too. Check out this video they made earlier this summer that doesn't feel like a hostage video at all:
Holy crushed Xanax, Batman! It looks like someone's been attending Toastmasters meetings, huh? I wonder how many times they practiced that clearly not rehearsed skit at their Sunday mimosa brunch.
Anyway, I guess it will be interesting to see where the Stitt / Walters bromance goes from here. I've been hearing chatter via the Ogle Mole Network that a certain federal law enforcement agency that's currently the ire of Trumpublicans may be looking into some of the ways the duo spent Covid funds, so I guess we'll see how strong the bromance truly is.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.
