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5 other commissions Kevin Stitt should join…

9:49 AM EDT on May 19, 2021

It was generous enough for the 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre Centennial Commission to reach across the aisle and allow various Conservatives on their board in a peaceful attempt to try and heal the bloody wounds of Tulsa’s infamous massacre of its own Black citizens. Very generous.

But, knowing how many Oklahoma politicians—especially honorary member Gov. Kevin Stitt—truly feel about their non-white constituents, it was only a matter of time until Stitt was routinely ousted from the commission, this time for his signing of House Bill 1775.

While I’m sure many of us would say good riddance to bad rubbish, Stitt has instead taken the pouty-lip approach, released in a woe-is-me note to the general public via a Tulsa World article. From KFOR:

“It is disappointing to see an organization of such importance spend so much effort to sow division based on falsehoods and political rhetoric two weeks before the centennial and a month before the commission is scheduled to sunset.

The governor and first lady will continue to support the revitalization of the Greenwood District, honest conversations about racial reconciliation and pathways of hope in Oklahoma.”

Let’s be honest: for Stitt and his crew, all racial reconciliation truly means is that non-whites should go back to where they belong: in the dark and immersed in shame for who we are. Unless, of course, you bow down before the altar of Donald Trump, then go to the back of the line, chief!

And while I’m sure that the only reason Stitt’s truly upset that he’s not on the board anymore is because he can’t tell minorities what to do and where to go like the brutal overseer he probably imagines himself to be, there are still plenty of important commissions and boards Stitt could make a difference in, a few of which I listed here.


The Tulsa Race Massacre Never Happened Commission

Sure, Stitt may have been kicked out of the commission exploring the Tulsa Race Massacre, but what about the other side? This Tulsa Race Massacre Never Happened Commission is out to not only prove that it was a Holocaust-level hoax but to also defend all those “brave” patriots struck down for saying so.


The Confederate Union of Large-Browed Men

Founded sometime during the Civil War when having a large, furrowed brow was a sign of pure virility and low intelligence, this group aims to restore heavy eye-brows and thick foreheads to the forefront of American leadership, as long as they don’t have to think too hard about it.


Epic Charter Schools Board of Directors

Because the goal of the district is to suck up as much taxpayer funding as possible while also sabotaging Oklahoma public education, Kevin Stitt's been a big supporter, enabler and protector of Epic Charter Schools. As a result, they should reward him with a cushy seat on the school's Board of Directors.


The Oklahoma Angry Beef Council

An abrasive offshoot of the Oklahoma Beef Council, the Oklahoma Angry Beef Council is all about showing those non-militant vegan-types that a man’s meat is the only way to eat, even if it’s from shoving it straight down your damned mouth in carnal ecstasy.



The Eastern Oklahoma Tribe of Indian Sell-Outs

As Stitt moves efficiently towards the expulsion from his own tribe, a collective of other white-worshipping injuns—all bitter about having been cut rightfully from their people—have comically started their own “tribe” and would love to have him on their board. Just look for the white women in headdresses!

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