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Ogle Madness XIII: Midwest Region, Second Round

The Madness continues, and we're working our way down to the Midwest. My absolute favorite thing about this round is seeing Kevin Stitt bottom out in the first round. I hope he drowns his sorrows in a nice well-done steak for Meat Week.

Here are your players:

(1) Abigail Ogle vs (8) OG&E
(12) Scissortail Park vs (13) Bella Coquette Vixen
(3) Garth Brooks vs (6) Damon Lane
(2) OKC Cock Ring vs (10) Milk Bottle Building


(1) Abigail Ogle

Last Match: Defeated (16) Epic Charter Schools 330 (82%) to 72 (18%) votes

Who: The Ogle Matriarch Who Shall Rule The World Someday

Biggest Strength: Can defeat any Twitter or Facebook troll with the ease of a Gary England quip

Biggest Weakness: She has to share a surname with this website



(8) OG&E

Last Match: Defeated (9) Hobby Lobby 280 (70%) to 120 (30%) votes

Who: Oklahoma’s largest electric provider

Biggest Strength: They can charge what they like and fuck up constantly with no consequences

Biggest Weakness: Clearing trees from powerlines




(12) Scissortail Park

Last Match: Defeated (5) Ogle Brothers 260 (65%) to 139 (35%) votes

Who: The massive new Downtown OKC paid for with our tax bucks.

Biggest Strength: It’s a good place to ride your bike to and drink a tallboy on the top of the hill.

Biggest Weakness: Despite how much money was drained into it, it’s still kinda ugly.


(13) Bella Coquette Vixen

Last Match: Defeated (4) Kevin Stitt 297 (75%) to 100 votes (25%)

Who: Modeling alias of former Norman Ward 7 city council candidate Monica Marsh

Biggest Strength: Normalizing sexy modeling. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being sexy for money.

Biggest Weakness: But she’s also a Unite Norman creep that is dragging along the dead horse of the MAGA movement.



(3) Garth Brooks

Last Round: Defeated (14) Dippin Dots CEO 338 (83%) to 69 (17%) votes

Who: The largest music star to ever come from Oklahoma

Biggest Strength: He’s sold nine diamond-status records, and he fuckin wrote ‘Rodeo’ what more do you want?

Biggest Weakness: His alter-ego was Chris Gaines, and that was very silly and embarrassing


(6) Damon Lane

Last Round: Defeated (11) Craig Groeschel 347 (85%) to 64 (15%) votes

Who: Chief KOCO meteorologist

Biggest Strength: Has his own air freshener

Biggest Weakness: Too into athleisure wear on his days off



(2) OKC Cock Ring

Last Round: Defeated (15) Sassan Moghadam 355 (88%) to 50 (12%) votes

Who: A very misguided sculpture in Downtown OKC that is… suggestive

Biggest Strength: Making juvenile cretins like us laugh like teenagers who just found porn in the woods

Biggest Weakness: Being an unattractive and meaningless monument taking up space in a dense urban area


(10) Milk Bottle Building

Last Round: Defeated (7) The Gold Dome 244 (60%) to 166 (40%)

Who: A tiny historic landmark with a massive sculpture of a Braum’s milk bottle on top that bigger than the building itself

Biggest Strength: Acting as one of the most major landmarks in the Asian district, and Oklahoma City as a whole

Biggest Weakness: You can’t get a giant bag of bahn mi sandwiches for a few bucks anymore



Let's keep the voting rolling, cuz it's only gonna get crazier. Tomorrow we'll roll into the Sweet 16!!!

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