The Madness continues, and we're working our way down to the Midwest. My absolute favorite thing about this round is seeing Kevin Stitt bottom out in the first round. I hope he drowns his sorrows in a nice well-done steak for Meat Week.
Here are your players:
(1) Abigail Ogle vs (8) OG&E
(12) Scissortail Park vs (13) Bella Coquette Vixen
(3) Garth Brooks vs (6) Damon Lane
(2) OKC Cock Ring vs (10) Milk Bottle Building
(1) Abigail Ogle
Last Match: Defeated (16) Epic Charter Schools 330 (82%) to 72 (18%) votes
Who: The Ogle Matriarch Who Shall Rule The World Someday
Biggest Strength: Can defeat any Twitter or Facebook troll with the ease of a Gary England quip
Biggest Weakness: She has to share a surname with this website
vs.
(8) OG&E
Last Match: Defeated (9) Hobby Lobby 280 (70%) to 120 (30%) votes
Who: Oklahoma’s largest electric provider
Biggest Strength: They can charge what they like and fuck up constantly with no consequences
Biggest Weakness: Clearing trees from powerlines
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(12) Scissortail Park
Last Match: Defeated (5) Ogle Brothers 260 (65%) to 139 (35%) votes
Who: The massive new Downtown OKC paid for with our tax bucks.
Biggest Strength: It’s a good place to ride your bike to and drink a tallboy on the top of the hill.
Biggest Weakness: Despite how much money was drained into it, it’s still kinda ugly.
vs.
(13) Bella Coquette Vixen
Last Match: Defeated (4) Kevin Stitt 297 (75%) to 100 votes (25%)
Who: Modeling alias of former Norman Ward 7 city council candidate Monica Marsh
Biggest Strength: Normalizing sexy modeling. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being sexy for money.
Biggest Weakness: But she’s also a Unite Norman creep that is dragging along the dead horse of the MAGA movement.
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(3) Garth Brooks
Last Round: Defeated (14) Dippin Dots CEO 338 (83%) to 69 (17%) votes
Who: The largest music star to ever come from Oklahoma
Biggest Strength: He’s sold nine diamond-status records, and he fuckin wrote ‘Rodeo’ what more do you want?
Biggest Weakness: His alter-ego was Chris Gaines, and that was very silly and embarrassing
vs.
(6) Damon Lane
Last Round: Defeated (11) Craig Groeschel 347 (85%) to 64 (15%) votes
Who: Chief KOCO meteorologist
Biggest Strength: Has his own air freshener
Biggest Weakness: Too into athleisure wear on his days off
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(2) OKC Cock Ring
Last Round: Defeated (15) Sassan Moghadam 355 (88%) to 50 (12%) votes
Who: A very misguided sculpture in Downtown OKC that is… suggestive
Biggest Strength: Making juvenile cretins like us laugh like teenagers who just found porn in the woods
Biggest Weakness: Being an unattractive and meaningless monument taking up space in a dense urban area
vs.
(10) Milk Bottle Building
Last Round: Defeated (7) The Gold Dome 244 (60%) to 166 (40%)
Who: A tiny historic landmark with a massive sculpture of a Braum’s milk bottle on top that bigger than the building itself
Biggest Strength: Acting as one of the most major landmarks in the Asian district, and Oklahoma City as a whole
Biggest Weakness: You can’t get a giant bag of bahn mi sandwiches for a few bucks anymore
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Let's keep the voting rolling, cuz it's only gonna get crazier. Tomorrow we'll roll into the Sweet 16!!!
