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7 reasons why the NRA should move its headquarters to Oklahoma!

7:46 AM EDT on March 18, 2021

Good news! Oklahoma lawmakers are taking a break from writing unconstitutional and otherwise bat-shit bills to advocate for Oklahoma to become the new home of the National Rifle Association!

According to Fox 25, upon hearing that the NRA would soon be relocating its headquarters, members of the Oklahoma House of Representatives created a whole-ass House Resolution to invite the organization to make its home in our state.

Even though gun laws in this state are pretty stupid and dangerous at times, you have to admit it would be a good idea for the NRA to relocate to Oklahoma. In fact, here are 7 reasons why...

We Have the Best Spokespeople

As evidenced by the white-washed array of stock photos the organization uses throughout their website, the NRA seems to believe there is no one more representative of gun ownership than the Caucasian American male standing alongside his trad wife and golden retriever. Thankfully, Oklahoma has a plethora of upstanding white dudes who advocate for their goddang right to bear arms and would be honored to be the face of an equally upstanding organization like the NRA.

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It’s Easier to File Lawsuits Against Ackerman McQueen

I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on obscure local social blog sites, but it has to be easier to file a lawsuit against someone in the same state, right?

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Kids Love Eddie the NRA Eagle

The NRA’s Eddie Eagle GunSafe Program is an educational program geared towards kids ages 3-8 that has been teaching gun safety to Oklahoma children since 1988. Market research suggests Eddie the NRA Eagle is the third most recognizable mascot among Oklahoma youths, after Rumble and the Hawaiian shirt-wearing Chik-Fil-A cow.

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We Can Be A Test State For More Crazy Gun Laws

The NRA promotes itself as a “defender of Second Amendment rights.” Well right now, Senate Bill 631 is en route to making Oklahoma a “Second Amendment Sanctuary State,” which would likely be an unconstitutional law that would aim to prevent the federal government from implementing regulations that would interfere with Oklahomans’ constitutional “rights” to own firearms. Like when grandpa took a job at Walmart as a greeter to keep him from day-drinking his retirement away, the NRA could think of moving to Oklahoma as a way to still feel productive without really doing any strenuous labor.

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Oklahoma Schools Need More Field Trip Options

In grade school, I loved the Stafford Air & Space Museum in Weatherford... the first 3 times I visited it. Oklahoma students are getting tired of field trips to boring museums about science and pigeons. Moving the NRA Headquarters to Oklahoma likely means moving the NRA Firearms Museum to Oklahoma. Do it for the kids.

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There’s a Higher Percentage of Gun Owners Here Than in Texas

54.7% of Oklahomans have guns at home while only 45.7% of Texans can say the same. The NRA may want to rethink which state they incorporate themselves in.

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Oklahomans Speak Fluent Fearmongering

Oklahomans are used to the divisive language and dangerous rhetoric spouted and tweeted by their esteemed lawmakers. So Oklahomans are already fluent in the fearmongering language the NRA uses in the America’s 1st Freedom section of their NRA Publications website.

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Insert gun pun here. Then follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek

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