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Governor Stitt lifts all non-existent Oklahoma COVID-19 restrictions!

6:29 AM EDT on March 16, 2021

Good news, my fellow Oklahomans!

Our esteemed governor announced last week that, due to his amazing leadership over the last year, COVID-19 cases are down enough for him to justify lifting all state-wide COVID-19 restrictions!

Yes, it’s been a long time coming, my friends. We're finally free from those oppressive government pandemic restrictions. I can’t wait to experience the freedom that comes from living in a state with no mandates.

In fact, here are seven things we can do now with COVID-19 restrictions being lifted!

Go Maskless

It’s been a grueling year of regulations in this state, but none have been as controversial as the question of the mask mandate. Well now that Stitt has dropped all state-wide COVID-19 regulations, there’s no mask mandate coming between your toothy grin and the 20-something Walmart cashier who doesn’t have enough sick leave left to schedule their vaccine.

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Gather in Large Groups without Restrictions

Birthday parties, large weddings, and in-person funerals have all been sacrificed since last March in the hopes of flattening the COVID curve. Thank God we all worked hard together to flatten the curve quickly so that we can all finally share in celebrations and warm embraces this year.

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Travel

Since Oklahoma won’t have any mandatory quarantine periods for traveling, we will be free to leave the state and return to life as usual, pretending as if our vacation never happened.

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Go Shopping

Tired of ordering stuff from your phone and having some guy in a big gray van deliver it to your front door the following day? Now you can get your life back to normal and go maskless shopping at your neighborhood Target, just like the First Lady did over last spring, summer, and probably fall and winter.

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Eat in Crowded Restaurants

As much as metro restaurants have done a bang-up job extending curbside service while distancing inside diners, there is nothing we’ve missed more over the last year than having a full dining experience! Now that Stitt has ended all COVID-19 restrictions, there’s nothing stopping you from sitting close enough to breathe in the smell of the fajitas and COVID particles of the table next to you.

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Go to Kids’ Sporting Events

Before the restrictions were lifted Friday, Oklahoma families had to take precautions to attend their kids’ sporting events, like wearing masks, social distancing, and leaving many family members at home. Thank goodness parents and grandparents can now attend their kids’ games and no longer have to worry about their voices being muffled by two layers of fabric when they’re yelling at the ref from the sidelines.

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End All this “Personal Responsibility” BS

A clear sign of burnout is letting your guard down and standards slack. We are a year into this madness and lots of people are tired of wearing masks and taking precautions. That being said, nobody seems as tired of the governor’s “personal responsibility” initiative as the governor himself. The poor little guy must have been burnt out since the beginning of the pandemic as evidenced by how little “personal responsibility” he’s taken over the last 12 months.

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One day Hayley will eat IN a restaurant again. One day… Until then, follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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