Sad news, my fellow Oklahomans! In a blow to UCO graphic design juniors and homeschool moms everywhere, God’s favorite inspirational pillow distributor Hobby Lobby is axing its 40% daily coupon at the end of the month. February may be known as a month of love, but Hobby Lobby ain’t showing it to us. So to encourage ya’ll to use it before you lose it and start getting in the mood for cupid’s month, here’s the 7 sexiest Hobby Lobby items to buy with your 40% coupon!
Heart Silicone Rings
Hobby Lobby markets their “Heart Silicone Rings” as part of “a thoughtful gift to present your Valentine with!” And frankly, I couldn’t market these cock rings any better.
Chocolate Buttercream Icing
16 ounces of chocolate icing is more than enough to get you through a non-vanilla night, if you know what I mean.
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Rose Petals
Sure, it’s $5.99 for a cliché ambiance. But it sure beats the dog hair and discarded laundry that typically lines the walkway from the bedroom door to the bed.
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Knitting Guide
I know lingerie isn’t necessarily meant to be worn, but I’m sure more than one lady wishes her unmentionables were a little less uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that’s not in style at Victoria’s Secret. But fortunately, with your very own Hobby Lobby knitting guide, you can knit your own negligee just in time for Valentine’s Day!
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Self-Adhesive Mirrors
Have a little kink in your think, but don’t want to spent $40 in mounting materials to make sure a 6-foot mirror doesn’t join you on the bed? Try out these simple, self-adhesive hexagons for your next sex-a-thon! These mirrors are easy to apply and your spouse can re-use them after as fancy candle coasters or whatever.
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Candle Making Materials
Stop dropping dozens of dollars at a time on store-bought sexy-time candles with additives and artificial scents when you can make your own all-natural beeswax candles with materials from Hobby Lobby! After the coupon, you’ll spend only twice as much.
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Silicone Mold
The description for these silicone molds on Hobby Lobby’s website includes phrases such as, “fill their cavities,” “happy eyes,” and “the land of fantasy.” The narrative doesn’t explicitly say this is a create-your-own-sex-toy mold. But it doesn’t explicitly say it isn’t, either.
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Hayley is mature. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.
