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10 boat names we’ll see at the “Lake Eufaula Trump Boat Parade!”

9:54 AM EDT on September 2, 2020


Hot damn and hell yeah, my fellow Oklahomans! It’s about time for a 3-day weekend. This Labor Day, instead of spending your holiday cooped up inside “sheltering-in-place” from a global pandemic, ring in the last unofficial weekend of summer by celebrating your got-dang American right to rally behind your president! This Saturday, pack the ice and join your brethren at the Lake Eufaula for the Trump Boat Parade. I’m sure there will be a lot to take in at the rally, including some cool people, creative decorations, and clever boat names. In fact, here’s 10 boat names we’ll probably see at the Lake Eufaula Trump Boat Parade!


“The Row-publican”

It’s quite the “party” barge.


“Naught-y Woman”

This boat is probably owned by a 62-year-old divorced guy from Shawnee. Originally, he wanted to name the boat after Trump’s signature insult/his ex-wife by calling it the “Naught-sy Woman.” However, that seemed to allude too much to a certain fascist party. Speaking of which…


This boat owner firmly believes that their granddaddy didn’t fight the Nazis in dubya-dubya-two so some snowflake could join Antifa.


"The P-Grabber"

Naturally, this will be a catboat that's fully stocked with Tic Tacs. It wall draw women in like magnets.


“The Sub-Poena”

For a vessel that was crafted to stay hidden, nobody was surprised to see it tag along with the parade.

"The Derpy"

Thisboat will be immediately identifiable by the Q-Anon flag and biblical quotes engraved on the side. You'll also see several Oklahoma politicians on it.

“OK. Stitt Six”

Named in honor of his half-dozen children, the SS. Stitt Six is ready to set sails! Who can blame our esteemed governor for wanting to hang loose for a weekend filled with fellow Trump enthusiasts? He’s already survived COVID-19 and hasn’t made a public attempt to brownnose his president in at least 42 days.

"The Hipster Boo Boo"

Sorry. That's the oldest boat photo in our archive and we had to use it. It actually wouldn't surprise to see Christina Fallin at the event wearing a headdress to own the libs. She did get fired by Trump.

“Stormy Set-Sails”

This boat may be a rental, but it can take a pounding when the waters get rough.


“Oar More Years”

This vessel is the boat version of those Trump merchandise trailers that have been plaguing gas station parking lots all over Edmond for the last few weeks. It would proudly lead the hoard of Trump supporters in the boat parade! But sadly, it’s without a paddle.


If Hayley had a boat, she’d name it the “John Sea-na.” Bet you didn’t see that coming. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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