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7 Real COVID-19 Super-Spreader Situations Affecting The Metro

9:34 AM EDT on July 3, 2020

With COVID-19 numbers rising faster than an AC bill in an Oklahoma July, Mayor David Holt tag-teamed with the Oklahoma County Health Department to warn Oklahomans about the dangers of the “Seven Super-Spreader Situations.”


Oklahoma City Mayor David Holt and metro health officials held a news conference Tuesday to address the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. Health officials identified seven “super spreader” events/activities for the virus, and urged people to take special caution while attending these events.

During the news conference, Holt said Oklahoma City saw a spike in new cases in June. The spike has happened in an environment where total tests administered have declined, due to diminishing demand, and the percentage of people testing positive has increased, Holt said…

Dr. Patrick McGough, executive director of the Oklahoma City-County Health Department, said during the news conference that people 18 to 50 years old need to take the virus seriously during seven situations, including faith-based activities, indoor physical activities, bars, weddings, funerals, gyms and other small private events.

These “Super Spreader” Situations, also known by the even lamer name of “The Serious Seven” by Tulsa’s Mayor G.T. Bynum and Tulsa Health Department, are seven circumstances that could seriously and significantly swell the spread of COVID-19. While it’s important health officials and city leaders pair up to urge Oklahomans to mask up or avoid such activities to prevent the spread of the virus, I think they’ve missed the mark. Here’s there real Serious Seven Super Spreader Situations significantly spreading the risk of COVID-19 in the state!


Fireworks Stands

FACT. Approximately 67% of people in line at fireworks stands don’t wear shirts. What makes you think they are going to be wearing masks when they stock up on Roman Candles, Black Cats, and Purple Rain?


Voting Lines

Usually it's a good thing when there's a lot of people lined up to vote. But it's a little riskier nowadays. Don’t forget, you can request your absentee ballot by going to the Election Board website here. You might as well request all ballots for the remainder of the 2020 elections, because it doesn’t look like the COVID-19 is going away anytime soon. At this rate, you might as well request the 2021 ballots as well.


Kelly Ogle’s Independence Day Swingers Party

Due to COVID-19 freaking everyone out, many of Kelly Ogle’s A-list buddies and buddettes have declined the invitation to his annual Independence Day Swingers Party. Which is leaving him no choice but to invite some of his B- and C-list acquaintances to make sure there’s enough attendees to justify the catering cost. It looks like he may already be down to his D-list guestlist, as evidenced by us at TLO already receiving two requests to RSVP.


Playing Sports Ball

Being that the positive cases at March’s scheduled Thunder vs. Jazz NBA game appeared to be the catalyst for COVID-19 related closures in this state and that 14 OU football players tested positive for the virus earlier this week, it appears that having 10-22 sweaty folks fighting over a ball for two hours at a time may actually create a hotspot for transmission. But don’t worry. According to Mike Gundy, we need the sporting events to “run money through the state of Oklahoma,” and the players are healthy enough to fight it off.


Unemployment Lines

Based on how long people are having to wait in lines to meet with unemployment officials in Oklahoma, there's a chance you can catch COVID-19, comes down with symptoms, and recover or die before you meet with an unemployment official in Oklahoma.


Going to Walmart

Grocery shopping isn’t an inherently risky situation to be in. But going to Walmart sure the hell is because, 1) Coming from experience, you’re more likely to see a shopper in Cookie Monster pajama pants than a face mask, and 2) Anytime you visit Walmart there is an 89% chance you will run into an acquaintance or extended family member who will engage with you in a non-socially distancing conversation about your plans for the 4th.


The Governor’s Residence

Friendly reminder - the governor and his family are too good to live at the Governor's Mansion. Either way, since our esteemed governor still refuses to mandate masks despite COVID-19 numbers rising by the hundreds daily and the first lady seems about as likely to wear a mask in public as she is well-fitting shoes, the Stitt household should probably get their own node on the “Super Spreader” graphic, preferable in the middle.


Hayley has been avoiding fireworks stands like the plague. Because, you know, there’s a plague. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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