With Oklahoma now having two confirmed cases of coronavirus, people all over the state are losing their shit and asking themselves: is Oklahoma ready for a widespread coronavirus outbreak?
To try to ease some anxiety, last week Governor Kevin Stitt held a press conference with stern eyebrows, serious soundbites, and a vague game plan in which he claimed, “the state is taking this global epidemic seriously.” Whew, what a relief!
To better understand how “seriously” the state is taking the potential epidemic, I texted a buddy interviewed an Oklahoma-based epidemiologist about the crisis. She said the following:
“Oklahoma has a great team of epidemiologists who specialize in infectious disease and emergency preparedness. They are working tirelessly because they are passionate about Public health in Oklahoma. There is a call center up and running if anyone has concerns that are not addressed on the website for OSDH here:
COVID 19, like any other infectious disease, is best contained by staying home and practicing social distancing when you are feeling sick. So please for all that is good and holy stay home if you are ill.”
But while the science nerds are behind closed doors using test tubes, biology textbooks, and big words to combat this sickness, we all know who is really working tirelessly to make sure Oklahomans keep healthy. Here’s 5 things Governor Stitt is PERSONALLY doing to keep Oklahomans safe from the coronavirus!
Personally refill the soap in the Wolf Trap men’s restroom
God knows those soap dispensers haven’t been refilled since 1987. But Stitt knows what it takes to contain the coronavirus outbreak among Oklahoma’s Vietnam vets and retired weed dealers.
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Single-handedly implementing preventative prayer
If it’s good enough to combat gun violence and low oil prices, it’s good enough for the coronavirus.
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Enthusiastically provide rubbing alcohol
With doomsday preppers and neurotic Fox News fanboys stocking up on disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer, and other antibacterial cleaning tools, Oklahomans are going to Walmart to find empty shelves where products used to be. Thankfully, Stitt knows he can make sure Oklahomans are properly sanitized and sterilized through the legalization of medical moonshine. You may not be able to find 70% potency rubbing alcohol anywhere, but all you need is a drone to find 75% potency moonshine. Pretty soon, we’ll see medical moonshine distilleries popping up like ditch weed on a rural route.
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Bravely implement a travel ban
When a dangerous and contagious illness like the corona virus is wreaking havoc upon society, it is not unlikely that government officials like Stitt may choose to close the borders and ban travel to and from the state. But he’ll likely implement this after his family takes another trip to California or wherever for Spring Break next week.
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Reluctantly expand Medicaid
The failure to expand Medicaid in this state has led to the closure of many rural hospitals and let Oklahoma fall to being the second least insured state in the nation. Maybe it’s time Stitt really prepared Oklahoma for the coronavirus and pushed for Medicaid expansion sooner.
You can buy airfare and a week’s stay in Rome, Italy for $600 right now. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek
