As my boss Paul mentioned yesterday in this fine article, Oklahoma is the most dangerous place in the universe to celebrate the 4th of July. As someone who once nearly choked to death on a Black Snake at my sister's annual 4th of July Russian Roulette-A-Q, I know this to be 100% true.
As a public service message to our viewers across the globe, here are three tips on how to celebrate a safe and efficient 4th of July.