Skip to Content

5 new career opportunities for David Boren…

10:56 AM EDT on June 14, 2019

It looks like the David Boren era at OU has finally come to an end.

Earlier this week, the final bits and pieces of the investigation into his sexual misconduct allegations were officially swept under the rug, when Boren announced he is severing all ties to the University.

Here's a statement that his extremely handsome and articulate and not-weird attorney Clark Brewster emailed to us:

I deeply love the University of Oklahoma. The over 24 years I served at the University were the most rewarding years of my life. I will always be a supporter of the University and care about the university family.

Last year, I came under a personal attack that was so vicious and relentless that it defied my comprehension. As I wrote to the Regents, I felt that it was best to resolve this matter rather than continue a battle which was damaging lives and the University itself. While I was tempted to pursue a continued battle to protect my reputation and demonstrate that I was innocent of any wrongdoing, I felt it was best for the University and all concerned for me to suggest a resolution to end this divisive and unfair controversy.

I have only the best wishes for the University going forward.

Yeah, he was tempted to pursue a legal battle like it was an intern at the hotel bar, but thought it was better to just go ahead and step down. He wasn't worried about more allegations coming to light or anything like that. He just wanted everyone to move on and hopefully forget about everything.

Anyway, now that he's no longer at OU, Boren is free to find some new work. Brandon and I thought it would be fun to come up with some new job opportunities for the former president. Check it out:

1. Buy NonDoc

This would make sense for a couple or reasons.

1. If he owned the site, he could easily remove all that articles they've written about him over the past couple of months.

2. Using his connections, he could build on the website's strong donor base that includes quality organizations like Americans For Prosperity, the Oklahoma Bankers Association and the Oklahoma Sheriffs Association. – Patrick


2. Open a mediocre BBQ joint

Why not try to get on the good side of the state, by doing what most other famous Oklahomans do when they fall on hard times: Open an overly-priced, okay-at-best BBQ stand! That way, people can use their fingers and tongues for things other than harassing others. – Brandon


3. Partner with Barry Switzer to open a chain of Turkish bath houses

Without the constraints of university life, Boren can now be free to live how he wants – as a man with nothing to lose but a thin towel and time. – Brandon


4. OCCC Political Science Professor

Though he can't teach at OU anymore, he seems to have a way with political influence and rankings. He could teach students how to evade blame as well as how to falsify donor numbers to boost school ratings. Brilliant! – Brandon


5. Become the state seismologist

Although the man-made earthquakes have quieted down a little bit over the past few years, you never know when greedy Oklahoma oil companies will bring them back. Since Boren can no longer influence the state seismologist, maybe he should become the state seismologist. – Patrick


Brandon is all about second, third, and any other chances. Follow him on Twitter @notshabbywriter and Instagram @brandonking1994.

Thanks for reading!

Register or log in to continue.

See all subscription options.

Stay in touch

Sign up for our free newsletter