7 Step Guide to Buying Medical Marijuana in Oklahoma

5:06 PM EST on January 8, 2019

Now that medical marijuana has been legal (and available for purchase) in Oklahoma for a few months, I've received a bunch of questions from friends, family members and Mary Fallin about the topic. Yep, being a medical marijuana card holder has made me quite popular.

For the most part, the questions range from basic stuff like "How to get a medical license?" or "What type of THC product should I buy?" to the strange and specific like "Will Josh Sallee return my text messages now?" or "Which Little Debbie snack cake is the best for munchies?"

The answer to the last one is Star Crunch.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to share this very clickable TLO Seven Step Guide to Buying Medical Marijuana in Oklahoma. It's based upon my experience meeting with a physician, getting a license, trying various products, being under the influence of edibles around my extended family, etc.

Check it out:

Step One: Select a Medical Condition

Before you can get a doctor's recommendation for medical marijuana in Oklahoma, you need to figure out a good medical condition to have. For people with very serious medical issues like cancer, chronic pain or seizures, this is a very simple and straightforward process.

For other people, "medical use" is not that clear. I know lots of folks who enjoy marijuana simply because it makes them feel good, helps them relax or stimulates the creative juices in their mind and makes them feel like a fleeting Socrates. Does that constitute medical use? I would argue yes, and then point out the line between medical and casual use is somewhat interchangeable, but a doctor may feel otherwise.

With that being the case, you'll need to come up with some solid qualifying medical conditions before you visit with a doctor to get your license. Since Oklahoma's law says medical marijuana can be used to treat any condition, it's actually a fun and easy process to pick what you got. I went with two medical marijuana staples and one off the beaten path:

• Stress
• Insomnia
• Coulrophobia

As a friend pointed out, marijuana is probably the wrong drug to treat Coulrophobai because it can make you paranoid.

Once you determine your medical condition, it's off to Step 2...

Step Two: Visit a Physician

According to the Medical Marijuana Authority website, there are only about 150 or so doctors in the state who can provide medical marijuana recommendation. You can view the full list here.

Most general practitioners, like mine, don't issues recommendations. In that case, you'll probably need to turn to a clinic or physician who specializes in medical marijuana. I went with a place that came up high on a Google search – Herbe Verde. Here's how the process worked:

• I called them on a Monday morning to schedule an appointment. I heard some people had been waiting weeks for appointments with other places, so I dropped a "Hey, I'm with The Lost Ogle and I want to write an article about this three months later" line. I'm not sure if that worked, but they said they could see me that afternoon at their pop up location inside Prodigy Vapes on 89th and South Penn. I seemed like a long drive, but I jumped on the opportunity. At the very least, I figured I could grab some Los Tacos while I was over there.

• When I stepped inside Prodigy Vapes, a woman in scrubs met me at the door. As people walked in and out of the store with their nicotine vape juice, we sat in front of a small coffee table and inputted all of my personal information into the state's medical marijuana authority website. The licensing fee with the state was $100. The fee to visit the physician was $150. Yes, $250 to get a license to use a product that should be over-the-counter legal feels like a racket, but it's a price worth paying for now.

• After completing the standard medical paperwork for my physician visit, I was whisked away to the doctor's "office" – a small rectangular supply closet with a blue medical table running along a white-painted cement brick wall. I don't remember the doctor's name, but he was nice and we shook hands. He was a semi-retired pediatrician who went to high school with Connie Johnson and attended Stanford University.

• The doctor and I talked about my various conditions, and how marijuana can be used to treat them. As a pediatrician, he was very interested in ADD – something I've obviously had since middle school, but didn't get diagnosed with until adulthood. We talked about all the pharmaceuticals I've used to treat it over the years, and why I stopped using them daily (side effects). He then did the basic physical stuff like check my breathing, look in the ear and test my knee reflexes. After that, he said he'd recommend using medical marijuana to treat my conditions. He recommended some literature to read and signed my paperwork. The whole process took about 10 minutes.

• After my physician visit, I left the supply closet... errr... doctor's room and handed the woman my signed paperwork. She scanned it, took my photo, and then uploaded it all to the state's website. She said I should probably get my card in five to seven days. I then left the store and ventured over to Los Tacos for a combo sancho and beef taco, only to be reminded they're not open on Mondays.

Step Three: Wait For Your Card

When I was told my card would arrive in 5 - 7 days, I didn't really believe it. Knowing what we know about Oklahoma government, and everything the ruling class has done to try to sabotage medical marijuana in this state, I figured I'd be lucky to get it in 5- 7 months.

But for the first time in my life, Oklahoma government didn't let me down. About a week after my visit, this arrived in the mail:

Okay, that's Sally Ann Sample's card instead of mine, but minus the shiny holograms, it gives you a good idea what the card looks like. My only complaint is the Patient ID number. Does it really need to be 24 digits? That seems excessive. What are all the extra numbers and letters for? I think something like eight would do just fine. Letters and numbers are free but you don't have to use all of them.

Step Four: Text Your Friends That You Got Your Card!

Just like with any life milestone or achievement, you'll probably want to text your friends and share the news. Just beware that most of them are going to ask you to pick up some weed for them, which you shouldn't do because that's illegal. Tell them to get a license instead.

Step Five: Locate a Dispensary

Capitalism Disclaimer: CBD Plus USA is the official dispensary of The Lost Ogle. Over the next year, you may see their ads on this website. They're expanding fast, and have an amazing variety of CBD and THC products, including flower, at most locations. I'll always encourage you to support those local businesses that support us, so please stop by one of their 9,473 or something locations.

As you may have noticed, approximately one-zillion CBD / THC dispensaries have opened across the state over the year. It's been a boom for realtors who specialize in strip malls, shopping plazas and old vacant Taco Bells.

I've visited my first Oklahoma dispensary, Strange Leaf, the day of Bedlam football in early November. They were one of the first places in the metro to sell flower. By the the time I arrived at 11:30 am, there were already 20 people crowded inside a small waiting room. It was a chaotic ordeal. The staff was new, the patients were new, and to top it off, a freakin' marijuana tour bus arrived at noon to slow everything down:

Right as I was about to pull a Steve Lackmeyer and tweet "Never Again, Strange Leaf!", they called me to the back to meet with a budtender. They had about eight flower strains that were priced at high-end street prices. I smelled them, admired the glittery crystals, bought a couple of grams of sativa and indica, and then made my way home.

As THC has slowly made its way across the state, I've been to about a half a dozen dispensaries since. After that first trip, I don't think I've had to wait in line at any of them, including my return visit to Strange Leaf. For the most part, all the dispensaries I've been to have a decent selection, similar price points and super friendly staffs.

Right now, I think picking your favorite dispensary is like choosing your favorite liquor store – it's a subjective thing that only you can decide. I'd look to a place that is close and convenient with a large selection of products, competitive prices and a knowledgeable, friendly staff. You know, a place like CBD Plus USA! Go Capitalism!

Step Six: Find a Product that Works

This point could, and should, be an article all in itself. Just like with picking a dispensary, choosing the right medical marijuana is a highly subjective process that's dependent upon a variety of factors. Consult with your doctor in a supply closet to find what works for you.

That being said, here are a few observations about Oklahoma weed:

– Flower: Although the selection isn't quite there yet, I'd say the stuff being sold in Oklahoma dispensaries is on par with what you'd get in Colorado. That being said, the marijuana sold in dispensaries is significantly better than the shaken down weed you buy from your friend in the Paseo. Trust me – If you're not getting a card because you still "have a guy" or whatever, you may be missing out. I've cut down on my smoking over the years, but ever since I've switched to medical-grade flower, the kief collector in my grinder is always full. That's a sign of quality bud.

– Edibles: Even if you're an experienced user, take them slow.

– Full Spectrum: Lots of places are selling full spectrum oils, tinctures and edibles that contain THC and the full gamut of CBD molecules. I guess you can say they're like the Long Island Iced Tea of the marijuana game. It results in a different, more focused and sustained type of high, as both the CBD and THC molecules are fighting for the same brain receptors or whatever. That being said, just like with an edible, ease into it. Otherwise, you may find yourself in New Mexico trying to have a conversation with your girlfriend's mom while completely stoned out of your mind.

Once you've visited a doctor, obtained your license, texted your friends, found a dispensary, and bought some product, there's one step left.