Age 26 is such a strange time in life. According to Facebook, half of my peer group appears to have their paychecks directly deposited into the HiLo Club's bank account while the other half make biweekly 401K contributions and drive the speed limit on purpose. This is also the age where everyone around me seems to be getting married, including my friend Sarah. Last Saturday Sarah invited me and 11 other ladies to her bachelorette party in OKC. I didn't know what to expect, but by-God did I see a lot. Here are seven things I learned at a Bricktown bachelorette party!
Bachelorette parties love to decorate their brides
Like how monarchs wear crowns and jewels and dictators wear Oakley sunglasses, bachelorette parties also adorn their brides in ways that signal to outsiders that she is a very important person. While other bachelorette parties embellished their brides-to-be with pink, sparkly sashes and cute veil hair clips, our party honored the bachelorette with a necklace adorned with seven plastic penises, with the largest phallic pendant also serving as a whistle that was blown all night long.
Bachelorette parties are everywhere in Bricktown
When we walked (stumbled) into Bourbon Street Café for dinner (pregaming) after spending a couple of hours wine tasting (chugging), we noticed that at least a third of the bar was seated with other parties celebrating a soon-to-be-married friend. Hell, we even met a party from Missouri that had intentionally traveled to Oklahoma City for the bride to celebrate in Bricktown. Screw the Thunder, Chesapeake, or $2 Taco Tuesday at Night Trips. Bricktown bachelorette parties are truly the backbone of the Oklahoma economy.
The bars are a little too close to the canal
Don’t get me wrong, sitting in a bar that overlooks the canal creates quite the atmosphere, but it can also potentially create a lot of trouble. Because I swear to God, we were one more rogue bridesmaid trying to hug a duck away from five women diving after their friend in the canal. And believe me, no one would’ve wanted to explain to the bride that the cops on the scene were not strippers.
The bachelorettes aren’t tempted in Bricktown
For many couples, the idea of their partner having a wild and booze-laden bachelorette party can be anxiety provoking. But I assure you, the bride was not tempted by any other man hanging out in Bricktown on Saturday night. Especially after going to the burlesque club filled with 25 fraternity guys wearing khaki shorts, suit jackets, Sperry’s with no socks, and the occasional mullet, if anything our bride’s bachelorette party made her even more loyal to (and grateful for) her fiancé.
No amount of primer can hold up to a bachelorette party
At least a quarter of the fun of any bachelorette party is when the gaggle of gals spends the first two hours in the hotel room popping tops of New Castle while applying a cat eyeliner look they found on Pinterest. However, no amount of makeup primer is going to keep Saturday night’s smokey eyeshadow look from turning into Sunday morning’s panda cosplay.
The bride WILL throw up
It is expected that the bachelorette’s palate be showered with endless rounds of drinks, none of which she pays for. Being that members of the bridal party often take turns supplying the alcohol, liquor and beer are bound to be served out of order at least once. So the bride will probably become sick at one point in the night. But if the bride doesn’t throw up from alcohol, is anyone really doing their job?
Bachelorette party attendees become fast friends
Like that weird crossover episode of the Jetsons and the Flintstones from the 1970s, bachelorette parties are where members of the bride’s various social circles collide. You’d think it would be difficult to get the bride’s coworker with the Confederate flag tattoo to befriend the bride’s lesbian sister, but you’d be wrong. Because like in the famous Robbers Cave psychology experiment, when opposing group members in a bachelorette party have a collective goal to work together towards (like hosting an impromptu panel explaining physical boundaries to a handsy lawyer at a bar or saving the bride from promenading away with some dude twice her age), those once opposing forces soon become friends.