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The 7 worst drivers on Oklahoma roads

9:51 AM EDT on May 24, 2018

I think we can all agree that driving in Oklahoma is the worst. Whether it's people driving like idiots in the snow or potholes the size of the meteorite that killed the dinosaurs, there are a lot of hazards to navigate while you're on the road.

But nothing compares to the dangers other drivers present. And with that, I give you the 7 worst drivers on Oklahoma roads.

Teenagers with Land Rovers

Remember the good ol' days when high schoolers drove around in Toyota Carollas with busted windows and non-factory CD players? Well, today we have a new breed of teen driver. And they're all in those Land Rover Evoques. You'll be able to spot them easily, especially since they swerve all over the road while they text and drive.


The Magnanimous Waver

We all know this person. At any 4-way stop, this is the person who is waving people through the intersection, regardless of actual traffic rules. Sure, they think they're being nice, but in all honesty, they're being reckless assholes. Is it nice to hold up traffic so you can feel good about yourself? Is it nice to break the laws that govern 4-way stops just so you can make everyone go before you? It's not.

Also, if you're this person but the tinting on your windshield is too dark for people to see if you're waving, then there's a special place in hell for you.


The Fast Lane Hoopty

Please know that I'm not here to shame anyone's car. If you ever saw the primer-colored Honda Civic I used to roll around in, you know that I'm down to clown with some garbage cars. However, I think we all need to know the limitations of our automobiles. I now drive a Subaru with a bumper sticker for my local NPR affiliate, so I know that I can only legally drive that to the farmer's market, or on vacations to Eureka Springs.

The fast lane hoopty is typically the Chevy Celebrity or Buick Skylark going 45-miles per hour in the left lane for MILES. This car has no intention of getting in the slow lane, but the driver will definitely give you a death glare when you pass on the right, because you're the one that's clearly in the wrong here.


President of the Tiny Penis Club

Extended cab, short bed, lift kit, truck nuts. You know this guy. You've watched him hold up the flow of parking lot traffic as he backs into a spot. He's also the guy that likes to ride your ass at night with his lights blinding you in the rearview mirror. It's worth noting that this driver is often also the magnanimous waver, though, he will barely twitch two fingers on the will to let you know that he wants you to go.

You could hate this guy, but honestly, he just heard the chorus of a popular country song and thought this type of automobile was cool. But it's still unclear as to how no one in popular country music has heard that trucks like this are overcompensating.


The Indecipherable Vanity Plater Owner

4G77NMA? TPO2RGV? 69XX420? What do these plates mean? How much did these people pay to get these plates? Why do the owners of these plates always wind up right in front of me? Can someone create an app that allows me to put in the characters on the plate, the type of automobile the person is driving, and where I've spotted the plate to get a list of potential meanings behind these plates?

Admittedly, these aren't the most annoying drivers on Oklahoma roads, but damn. I hate unsolvable puzzles.


The Street Outlaws Wannabe

These drivers feel the need for speed. Only, they don't have the same closed track that the Street Outlaws have. Instead, they zip around city streets, revving their engines and passing you when you're going ten miles over the speed limit. I would say some mean things about this group of drivers, but one of them bought my old primer-colored Honda Civic, so thanks for the $1,600 dude.


The Stick Figure Family Mobile

I only put this one on the list since Patrick just had a kid and he's two inches from putting a stick figure family on his car. I wouldn't be surprised if this blog starts selling Ogle Mole onesies and bumper stickers that say "My kid parks her trailer at the capital better than your kid."


Marisa thinks the only thing worse than other drivers in Oklahoma is the road construction. Follow her on Twitter.

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