20 Dumbest Oklahoma People, Places and Things of 2017 (Part III)
11:19 AM EST on December 21, 2017
We've entered the Top 10 of our countdown of the 20 Dumbest Oklahoma People, Places and Things of 2017. You can relive the magic of the top half here:
Check out 10 - 6 after the jump:
10. Things Derplahoman Lawmakers Say
Outside of the President of the United States, there may not be a better group of people at saying dumb things than the Homophobic, Islamaphobic, AnythingNotAWhiteChristianMaleaphobic Derplahoman Caucus of the Oklahoma Legislature. They say and do so much dumb shit that we should probably give them their own dumbest list, but expand it out to 40.
Seriously, whether they're claiming state employees are terrorists, saying women make great hosts, or suggesting that we deport elementary school students who don’t speak English, these guys are always at the top of their game when it comes to spouting off archaic, draconian bullshit that reminds you how far we are from becoming an open, accepting society, and how close we are to becoming a feudal theocracy run by fanatics and lunatics.
9. Jason Reese
I wonder if Hot Wife Chloe was ever punished?
Jason Reese became a big story this past fall when we broke the news that he included online porn in a campaign expense report. The story quickly went national, and Jason found himself in the totally comfortable, not in any way embarrassing position of discussing online pornography with TV news reporters.
Naturally, Jason said the whole thing was a big misunderstanding and blamed his accountant for a "copy and paste" error. He then pledged to file all future ethic filings in incognito mode.
8. Oklahoma Criminal Justice System
Whether it's a news story about drug rehab slave labor camps, police shootings of unarmed citizens, deplorable, deathly conditions of local jails, extortion of the working poor by county sheriffs, or simply wasting taxpayer dollars trying to unsuccessfully shut down glass pipe shops, it seems like we can't go a week without some news report exposing Oklahoma's broken criminal justice system. The only thing the system seems to be good at is creating news headlines that makes you want to move away.
7. Oklahoma State Department of Health Debacle
Back in November, we asked what the hell was going on with the Oklahoma Health Department. It lost $10-million, people were resigning, and Mary Fallin and Lawmakers were scrambling to find scapegoats. I guess it was a fair question to ask, because now the FBI and US Department of Health are investigating the matter. It will be interesting to see what they find. Maybe they'll uncover evidence that former Health Commissioner Terry Cline was DB Cooper.
While the investigation continues, I have one favor to ask the local media. For now, can we stop calling this thing a "scandal." That implies that people behind the scenes knew what they were doing, or that there was some sort of malicious intent or conspiracy to embezzle money or bankrupt the system.
That gives people in Oklahoma government way too much credit. More than likely, the problems of the Health Department are a product of a dysfunctional, underfunded Oklahoma government and symbiotic of the anti-government ideology that's dominated this state's political spectrum since the 1990s. I think a better word would be "Fucking Debacle." Yeah, that's technically two words, but you get my point.
6. Barbie Doll
The big pop culture phenomenon to hit Oklahoma in 2017 was alleged "self-made millionaire" Moore rapper Barbie Doll. Or as we called her "The Rebecca Black of Oklahoma."
To be clear, there's nothing dumb about being a local musician shooting fancy music videos in hopes of making it big, but it is kind of dumb to go back to your old high school and shoot those music videos:
Anyway, I don't want to be too critical of Barbie Doll. She ignited the OKC Metro's first suburban rap war, and our first article about her generated over 100,000 unique visits. I guess dumb people like dumb things on the dumb sites.
Come back tomorrow for 1 - 5!