The recent promotion of Abigail Ogle to the 6pm newscast on KOCO 5 is only one more sign that the prophecy of her world domination is being fulfilled and the world as we know it will soon end, leaving us all local TV news viewers. That being said, it is time to start preparing ourselves for the place we will spend all of an eternity. Here is a list of 10 people who will be joining me in Oklahoma Hell.
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1. Ralph Shortey
Former State Senator Ralph Shortey built his political ideology on the concept of “family values.” No, not the 1998 Family Values Tour featuring artists such as Korn, Rob Zombie, Ice Cube, and Limp Bizkit. Now those are the kind of “family values” you should take inspiration from. Instead, Shortey’s voting record was based on the kind of “family values” that believe the LGBT community is inherently evil and going to hell. His voting records allow the LGBT community to be legally discriminated against by business owners and keep them from being able to comfortably taking a piss. Earlier this year, Shortey was caught soliciting sex from a young male prostitute. Hmm. It seems like by his own “family values” logic, he will be going to Oklahoma Hell.