As we all know, there's not a more deadly, dangerous drug out there than marijuana seeds. It's a highly addictive, level one carcinogen that can turn people into raging, aggressive, despondent, self-destructive fools who...
Wait a second. I actually just described alcohol. My bad.
Yesterday, Channel 5 decided to fish for some Facebook attention and ask its followers whether they think the devil's lettuce should be legalized and taxed in Oklahoma to help with the perpetual state budget crisis. Because the dreaded Facebook algorithm apparently knows me too well, it's the only thing that's appeared in my feed for the last 24 hours.
Check it out:
As you can see, the post has received 178,000 views. Here are the approximate voting results:
Yes / Heart: 10,000
No / Angry Face: 700
For what it's worth, 3,500 people went old school and simply "liked" the post. I'm going to assume these people are stoned and meant to vote "Yes."
Anyway, that means out of 14,200 votes, 95% of Channel 5 viewers think Oklahoma should legalize marijuana. That must explain why Paul Folger's eyes are always slightly red and glassy during the 10 o'clock news.
I know the results are skewed due to the Facebook algorithm – I'm sure stoners who like Adult Swim and visit Leafly.com saw the article more than the members of Mark Woodward's anti-drug crusade circle jerk – but getting 95% of Facebook people to agree on anything is quite a feat.
That being said, it also doesn't matter. You'd think Oklahoma lawmakers would be all for legalizing something that popular, but remember: they represent and serve that other 5% of hypocritical fun haters that want to criminalize and control what others do with their lives. They would much rather pass legislation that's unpopular and goes against the will of the people than give constituents what they want.