Back in November, an Ogle Mole sent me an email about some right-wing crazed Facebook ramblings being left by a high school history teacher from deep within the dark reaches of Derplahoma.
Here's the email:
Check out this Facebook page ASAP
Name Dan Close
He’s a teacher in Dewey Public Schools
Complaints are being leveled
HE TEACHES HISTORY
I have to be anonymous.
Pro tip: Want TLO to write about someone's crazy Facebook opinions? Send us a link, screenshots and never ever use all caps, even for effect.
Anyway, I never really pursued the Mole's lead. This was for a couple of reasons.
1. I'm forgetful and lazy.
2. Although I don't mind exposing a politician or public figure for writing or sharing stupid shit on the Internet, the "You Won't Believe What Wrote On " is getting kind of old. It was fun the first time we dove into that wormhole back four years ago, but since then it's lost its luster. It's good for clicks and site traffic, but that's about it.
As a result, I guess we shouldn't be surprised that the masters of clicks – Buzzfeed – featured Dan Close's offensive Facebook messages in an article on Thursday. They even went with the sensational and somewhat misleading, "This High School Teacher Urged People To Vote For Trump So Muslims Can Be "Butchered" headline.
Here's a selection of Mr. Close's Facebook rants that really make the blood boil with outrage:
Now that he brings it up, Melania Trump does have some very masculine features. Thankfully she posed nude in the 1990s so we can be reasonably assured she's female.
-
On a positive note, I guess we finally found a good reason why Republicans are against a minimum wage.
-
Yep. If you think a business should not be allowed to discriminate against individuals, you're an "Enemy of Individual Freedom." In other news, Dan Close is an "Enemy of Logic and Common Sense."
-
What is a "Dog Pig" and where do you buy one? Is it a rural Oklahoma thing or something?
-
If America's existence is due to the blessing of God, does that mean God doesn't like Native Americans?
-
Hey, I finally agree with him on something! Maybe I should send him a Facebook friend request.
-
You can read the Buzzfeed article about Mr. Close by clicking here. They talk to former students and do a great job taking his rants as serious and literally as possible. It's pretty solid outrage Internet policing.
Anyway, what do you think? In all honesty, I expected better. On an outrage scale, I'd give Mr. Close a solid score of 6 or 7. Yeah, he hit all the Islamophobia and Homophobia notes pretty well, but he didn't mention anything about executing Hillary Clinton or claim that blacks are the reason for slavery. Hell, he didn't even share a Mexican Word of the Day Meme! Doing that would have notched Mr. Close a spot or two higher and possibly earned him in nomination into the Derplahoman Facebook Comment Hall of Fame.
Actually, now I think about it, that's something we should look at creating. Not only would it showcase all the idiots who live, work and sadly, vote in this state, but it could make rubbernecking the nutty comments of Derplahoman trolls fun, or should I say "great," again. More details to come soon.
