Zika fever was just heating up, and you were saying to yourself, "This is gonna be MY YEAR to CRUSH IT!"Ben Carson dropped out of the election, followed swiftly by Marco Rubio, to the surprise of no one. The North Korean missile crisis was at a high peak, causing tension between North Korea, South Korea, China, and the US.
Hulk Hogan sued Gawker and was awarded $140 million, effectively killing the popular website. Batman V Superman came out and bored the hell out of everybody. Dickhead nerds were really mad about the new Ghostbusters movie having women in it. And famous actress Nancy Reagan passed away.
As the great Yakov Smirnoff would say, "In Soviet Union, 2016 crushes YOU!"
5- The Nixons are having a reunion concert!
Published: March 30, 2016
What We Said: "Just saying the band’s name makes me dance on the stage of memory. One of the first concerts I ever attended was a Nixons show in a parking lot in Bricktown. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I ever passed out from smoking too much weed. Or was that the Creed concert? I can’t remember, but I do remember buying the Nixon’s debut CD “Foma” from the CD Warehouse on M. May and playing it on repeat while playing pool with my friend Johnny."
What We Learned: There's always a market for dad rock legends to reunite.
Best Comment: "The Nixons played my Junior Prom (Duncan, 1991) and Wakeland played my Senior Prom (1992)."
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4- Sad Papaw’s grandkids are trying to milk his Internet fame for all it’s worth…
Published: March 23, 2016
What We Said: "Come on, grandkids! You already stood up Papaw for dinner, at least have the decency to hire a competent graphic designer to make the t-shirts?! Seriously, did they design that in Word or Paint or some online program. I bet they had a big argument on whether to use Comic Sans, Papyrus or Impact."
What We Learned: It's possible to capitalize from anything these days, even elderly abandonment.
Best Comment: "Hey I know… let’s all go and do a Flash Mob! Then we can take turns Planking for Pawpa! We’ll say, “So long” with some Tebowing.
I love internet memes don’t you?"
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3- Emily Sutton is marrikjvjlvmberjkgmzlafkzxcvbytyuioiuzzzzhxca
Published: March 21, 2016
What We Said: "I’m very happy that Emily Sutton – a woman who farts butterflies, burps tulips and coughs rainbows – is happily married. From all accounts, it was a beautiful grand affair. Highlights include the lighting of a tornado shaped unity candle, a first dance to The Thunder Rolls, and Reed Timmer frantically trying to halt the wedding like Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate."
What We Learned: Patrick's broken heart will never be able to love again, but damn if it doesn't make for great content..
Best Comment: "So, he met her at a gas station? I’ve been trying those truck stop encounters for some time, none of them ended like that."
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Published: March 2, 2016
What We Said: "Would the city be what it is today without Aubrey McClendon? I’m not sure. He didn’t move his company to Houston once he had 20 employees. He stayed here and invested in this sleepy, depressing, boring city most of us call home. It’s not hard to find someone around town who has a story to share about his kindness, compassion and generosity."
What We Learned: Not even wildcatter CEOs were safe from the 2016 death curse.
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1- Jennifer Lawrence is moving to Midwest City…
Published: March 4, 2016
What We Said: "So, what are your thoughts about this? Do you think the headline, image and fake tweet will dupe all your easy to fool friends and aunts into sharing this post on Facebook like they did yesterday with that fake news story about Scarlett Johansson? I hope so, because we love pageviews more than Jude and Jody loves folks!"
What We Learned: Even the astute, intelligent, and highly-esteemed TLO readership loves to click and share fake news stories.
Best Comment: "See you at the celebrity club, Jen!"
