Well, readers, the jig is up.
About six months ago, I kidnapped Patrick and locked him a shed in my backyard. Before you get all indignant on me about how that's wrong, just know that I fed him three square meals a day and gave him plenty of water. He was fine, regardless of what he says. Why did I kidnap him? To take over The Lost Ogle media empire, naturally.
So for six months Patrick lived in my shed and tried to make enough noise for the neighbors to hear, and I ghostwrote posts under his name so no one would suspect a thing.
Retrospectively, I can say that it wasn't the most brilliant idea I've ever had, but if you've been reading what I've had to say for the past six and a half years, then you know that my brilliant ideas are few and far between. And well, it turns out that the media empire I thought I was seizing by coup is a lot more work than I'm willing to do on any given day. So I let Patrick out of the shed in the backyard, and gave back control of the site to him.
Was Patrick grateful? Not even a little. In fact, he was kind of a jerk about the whole thing. Like, I gave him back the site and didn't make him live in my shed anymore. But all he did was bitch and moan about how what I had done was a "crime" and that he was "calling the cops."
So that's why I'm coming to you today. I'm letting you know that I'll no longer be writing for TLO, at least, not regularly. Instead, I'll be on the run from the officers of the law that Patrick called EVEN THOUGH I TOTALLY LET HIM OUT OF THE SHED. Sure, you may find a post or two of mine occasionally, but that will most likely only be when I can log in from a computer with an untraceable IP. It would be so like me to get caught just because I wanted to bring you a post about the 10 snow cone flavors that should exist, or because I feel like Edmond should be brought down a peg or two.
Until then, I'll be hiding out. And I definitely won't be hiding out in the abandoned Collings Castle at Turner Falls, so do not look for me there. Seriously. Don't look there. Just like, forget anyone said anything about Collings Castle.
For those of you who hate me and are glad to see me go, you're welcome. For those of you who will miss me, you can always catch me on Twitter, or here. Know that I have enjoyed writing for TLO very much, so I thought I'd send myself off with a list of my favorite posts that I've written. Enjoy!
• An Open Letter: Dear Devon Tower
• What the kids in Edmond are doing these days when not receiving illegal tattoos…
• Let’s Turn Edmond into Oklahoma’s official retirement community
• 9 things that OKC kids can’t do anymore
• 10 places where you can no longer have your birthday
• 9 reasons I hold a grudge against Edmond
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