One of the worst hoops you have to jump through before adulthood is going to school. You have to start showing up in kindergarten, and then the years stretch out before you. So many years of school, so many classrooms that smell of industrial cleaner and kids. And the thing is, everyone has to do it. Well, everyone except the homeschool kids.
Those whose parents choose to educate them from the kitchen table get to avoid all the terrible parts of school -- the president's fitness test, having to ride a school bus every single day without barfing from motion sickness, and getting made fun of by the pretty blond girls. It seems like those homeschool kids make it out of school unscathed, until now. According to NewsOK.com:
YUKON — Homeschooled children are taking part in a physical education class at the Jackie Cooper Gym.The classes are set up to offer exercise and a chance to make new friends. The students play a variety of games, including dodgeball and cage ball.
Well isn't that nice? The homeschool kids get to play fun games with other kids just like the rest of us. (Though, cage ball does sound like a game homeschoolers make up when their parents lock you in a dog crate for having impure thoughts.) But all this got me to thinking. What about those truly Oklahoma school experiences? Don't the homeschool kids need those too?
And with that, I bring you 9 fun activities for Oklahoma homeschool kids!
Read Night of the Twisters
As I recall, you weren't shit in the fourth grade unless you had read this book. You also weren't shit unless you had seen the made for TV movie starring Devon Sawa. Sure, it was a book about a place in Nebraska, but that didn't mean that all the teachers didn't make everyone read it in the spring. Nothing stops a whole classroom of kids from freaking out about a tornado siren quite like making them read about a kid who can't find his family after a tornado!
Get in trouble for playing on an oil well
For some reason, there was still a fully functional oil well just north of my school's playground. And if you were fast, you could spring toward it and climb halfway up the fence surrounding it before the playground monitor blew his whistle.
Argue with other third graders about whether the Southern Baptists or Church of Christ kids are going to Hell
Retrospectively, this is one of my favorite conversations that elementary school kids have in Oklahoma. From the outside, I couldn't tell the difference between either religious sect, but that didn't stop those kids from trying to proselytize each other with threats of hellfire and damnation. I feel like homeschool kids would probably be pretty good at this, so they may as well be exposed to people of different Christian faiths so they can go after it.
Memorize all 77 counties
I'm not sure why this is a thing that a lot of elementary school kids did, but I'm pretty sure that no parent is going to put up with the amount of nonsensical busy work that the public schools assign. That is, they won't put up with it unless they want to give their kid an authentic Oklahoma school experience.
Look, if homeschool kids are already learning "facts" about how Satan put the dinosaur bones in the earth to make us doubt God, then they may as well celebrate a gloriously whitewashed history of how our state was settled.
I'm not sure how this would work out for homeschool kids, since their mom is always there. But a significant portion of my elementary school life was spent being asked by the moms of other kids where my mom was. In the middle of a school day, when my mom wasn't there to bring snacks to help with a party, these women asked where she was, as if it were some sort of mystery. I would tell them that she was at work, and they'd always say something like, "that's too bad!" (#Edmondmomzzzz) I didn't realize it then, but they were basically shaming my mom. I think all homeschool kids should experience this one too.
Lose your chaperone at the Omniplex
Sure, the parent volunteer chosen to take you around the Omniplex that day isn't that bad, but you know you have to give them the slip if you're going to get to spend the day climbing on things you shouldn't.
Watch Oklahoma Passage
I spend a lot of time doubting the validity of my education regarding our great state since the majority of it came from watching Oklahoma Passage. But even so, at least we were watching a movie. And I highly doubt homeschool kids know the joy of watching movies in class.
Go to Harn Homestead
You know, on second thought, never mind. I'm pretty sure everyday homeschool life is a lot like Harn Homestead anyway.