What a time to be alive, right? We currently live in a world where every single day we are bombarded with news stories about clown sightings. Seriously, what's going on with that? Why are clowns a thing now?
In case you've been living under a rock, you know that the OKC media coverage of clowns has been crazy. Hell, we even talked a little about it earlier this week. But now there are so many stories out there about clowns that we thought it was time to grade the media on how they have covered these stories. That's right! We're rating the clowns who cover the clowns. And since I'm the resident clown expert at TLO, I'm uniquely qualified to do this.
(Note: To become a clown expert, you have to live next door to juggaloes and you have to have made out with someone who later went to clown college.)
We developed a unique system to rank these stories that encompasses a lot of factors. Plausibility of clown sighting, how many nightmares the story induces, as well as how likely we are to hear the circus theme music in our heads once we gaze upon the clown. After conducting a few calculations, we are then able to place the story on a scale of one to five red noses, with one being, "hey, cool, that tiny car was full of clowns" and five being John Wayne Gacy.
Anyway, with that, here's the local media clown stories ranked. Are you down to clown?