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20 reasons to leave Oklahoma (10-1)

This week we're counting down 20 reasons to leave Oklahoma this week. You can check out reasons 20-11 here. Now, on to the final 10...


10. Tired of 7-Eleven or QuikTrip.

You can put lipstick on a pig, and it's still a pig. So too can you call a 7-Eleven a QuikTrip, and it's still functionally a 7-Eleven. (I'm talking about the newer 7-Elevens, not one of these shit shows.) You don't know if there's a better option for a place to purchase an obscene amount of soda in a styrofoam cup, but you owe it to yourself to find out.


oklahoma license plate

9. You want a new kind of license plate.

Hidden in the back of your closet is one of those old license plates with the green text surrounding the Osage shield. You don't know what it is, but there's something about that old license plate that you miss. And even though you've got nothing against the new one, it just doesn't feel right. And so you have to leave to register your automobile in another state, a state where the license plate just feels right.



8. You want to scout new homes just in case KD does decide to leave.

Look, even though we, as a state, have shown how ridiculously desperate we are to keep KD here with all the signs and hashtags, there is no guarantee he will stay. And if he leaves, it's best to be ready for it. Because is an Oklahoma without KD really worth living in? The answer is no. So it's time to stop acting like a high schooler who is worried that his girlfriend might break up with him, and be a proactive adult. And the only proactive choice is to scout potential homes in cities where you think KD may choose to play next.


how to make chicken fried steak

7. You don't really care for chicken fried steak.

I mean, it's good. But like, it's not that good, guys. Also, maybe feeling like a gut-heavy slob after a meal that isn't Thanksgiving isn't okay.


6. You've never been to Spain, but you kind of like the music.


marijuana colorado

5. You want to use marijuana without the fear of having your life destroyed by overzealous law enforcement and the moral police.



4. You haven't had a good hair day since 2010, so you want to get away from the wind and humidity.

On Tuesday I mentioned how the weather is only good a couple days out of the year. And one of the major consequences of that terrible weather happens to be that you look ridiculous a lot of the time. It wouldn't be so bad if there were a gentle breeze that blew your hair and made you look like a model. But the wind is never so gentle, and don't even get me started on how big your hair is thanks to the humidity.


Toby Keith performs @ Aarons Amphitheater @ Lakewood in Atlanta Ga. 8-2412 Lisa Keel/ 2012

3. You want to make sure no one can associate you with Toby Keith.

One of the more unfortunate things about being an Oklahoman is that our favorite celebrities happen to be the ones that wound up getting stuck here, like all the Thunder players. And while everyone likes some of our celebrities who were born here, like Megan Mullally, it's important to note that she no longer resides here. (Basically, she got out, like these posts suggest you should too.) And aside from various pageant winners, that pretty much leaves us with country musicians. And unfortunately, the one that comes to mind first when people think of Oklahoma is ol' Toby. And honestly, you don't want people to associate your home with him, do you?



2. Public Transportation.

Just imagine what a joy it would be if you could take a train to Tulsa! Then imagine how nice it would be if you could take a bus from Norman to Edmond. Then think about how cool it would be if you didn't have to own a car to live and work in Oklahoma. Now, remind yourself that it will never happen. Remind yourself that the Metro area likes to grow exponentially with very little regard to the needs of the residents, or the sort of infrastructure it would take to ACTUALLY make a big league city. Basically, we're just here for business development. Services to improve the quality of life are not important. And before you tell me about the bus system, please go check the bus schedule, and tell me how the hell anyone can actually make that work with a real life schedule or the layout of the city itself. And what good is a a citywide bus system when it really should be a metro-wide bus system? Why aren't the cities in the metro working together to make that happen?



1. You're tired of being let down all the time.

Don't you feel like the whole "Oklahoma City Renaissance" was cool and all, but mostly a let down? Don't you feel like even though cool businesses popped up, it was mostly an opportunity for energy companies to make a killing while our eyes were looking elsewhere? Don't you feel like the vast majority of elected officials don't represent you or your beliefs, but it doesn't matter how much you vote because the vast majority of Oklahomans don't? Living in Oklahoma is kind of like being in Stephen King's Carrie. We we're shunned for so long, then the popular kids started treating us nicely, and now we're at the prom, covered in pig's blood, destroying everything with our malicious telekinesis.

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