If you were anything like me last Tuesday, you were glued to KFOR and Mike Morgan’s incessant promises that Oklahoma City would be under siege by high-pressure gustnados, fizzy-lifting drinks, and Oswald Cobblepots at any minute, starting sometime in the early afternoon.
And, if you’re anything like me, you probably wasted your day.
This isn’t the first time this has happened, by the way. Many times, as the sky goes grey this time of year and that all-to-familiar NWS beep starts ringing repeatedly, it’s hard not to plant yourself and follow the adventures of Val and the Gentner in Gotebo, Reed and the Dominator in Atoka and Emily on the Lady Weathercycle cruising a hail-battered Memorial Rd. like it was post-Bane Gotham City.
It’s exciting real-life drama that sucks me in like a particularly lazy edition of a Choose Your Own Adventure book and I always choose “Turn to page 57 to watch shaky camera footage of power-flashes in Purcell.” There are so many other things I could be doing. So many other things I should be doing. After all, after all that wait, if we’re all gonna die, might as well go having left a hastily drawn last-minute mark on the world.
So with today’s particularly nasty bout of predicted weather, instead of lumping it on the couch, here are five things we could all be dong instead.
Call Your Grandma
I love my abuela. But I haven’t spoken to her in about 20 years, at least since Spring Break of ’98. Not because there’s any bad blood mind you, but just the general drifting away between people that so often occurs in life. And now, as she’s in her 90s and soon to be knock, knock, knocking on Heaven’s door, perhaps tonight would be the right time to reconnect and tell her one last time that I love her.
Plant a Tree
As the reports of high winds and so on begin to trickle in, if there’s one thing we can look forward to eventually, it’s that big tree in the back yard getting split in half and destroying your wife’s fledging tomato garden. Sadly, even though it’s a tree that’ll have to be cut down and piled into firewood you’ll never use on the side of the house, restore the balance of nature manually by using that free time before the storm to gather a diverse group of neighborhood youths together to plant an dandy sapling in the ground. I’m thinking a peach tree!
Volunteer at Food Not Bombs
As much as I like volunteering at any typical soup kitchen, there’s no one there to share my love of Propagandhi seven-inches or MaximumRockNRoll editorials. Thankfully Food Not Bombs fills that void like a critical mass bike ride through my heart, as local anarcho-punks and other assorted latchkey kids come together to make tasteless vegan wraps that’ll have any median panhandler diving into oncoming traffic. Still, their hearts are in the right place and, what the Hell, I’ve got a few minutes before the deluge, might as well spread the positivity while I can.
Switch to GEICO
Did you know that by switching to GEICO I could save up to 75% of what I’m paying for auto insurance with the “other” guys? Even though I hear a slight rumbling of thunder outside, I’m pretty sure I’ve got time to make the switch.
Learn the Art of Szechuan Cuisine
Originating from Sichuan province in southwestern China, this style of cuisine is one of the most difficult to master, especially when trying to tame the mighty dragons that are the liberal use of garlic and chili peppers that make up the bold signature flavor of many dishes such as 樟茶鴨, 回鍋肉 and Kung Pao chicken. But, with this supposed night of deadly twisters downgraded to a watch. I might as well get a few hours of practice in so I’ll have something to snack on when the power goes out in 45,000 homes thanks to a tree branch snapping a power-line in Bethany.
What's a pro-active activity you're gonna take part in as we wait for the softball-sized hail to cave our skills in? Let us know in the comments. You can also follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler.