Over the weekend, while you were out hopefully enjoying the outdoors by getting drunk on a patio, Blood Stained Men, an anti-circumcision group, dressed up like recently castrated Clockwork Orange characters and protested across the street from Penn Square Mall. According to the group's website, they believe "that every child, regardless of their gender or parents' beliefs, has the right to their intact genitals, as they're born."
I was alerted to the protest by one of Oklahoma City's top purveyors of intact genitals, the Video Vigilante:
First of all, I knew that guy filming me having sex in the Penn Square parking garage with that girl from Victoria's Secret looked familiar. I just thought it was the typical mall creeper. I had no clue it was Brian! Granted, that still doesn't explain how he knows I live by Penn Square Mall, or why I was having sex in the mall parking lot when I only live six block away, but it's always good to put a name to a face.
Okay, okay, I'm just kidding. The girl actually works at Charley's Steakery. What can I say. The smell of the grilled onions and seasoning salt really turns me on.
Anyway, I think I speak for most circumcised men when I say that I really don't have a problem with the circumcision thing. It doesn't bother me. Does the procedure hurt? I assume so, but kind of like a colonoscopy, you don't remember a damn thing. Plus, it increases your chance of being a male porn star by like 10,000%.
If these protesters really want to stop circumcision, they should change their tactics. Tone down the weirdness. Dressing up like droogs and painting red paint on your crotch may get attention, but all it really accomplishes is weirding people out. You're not going to change any minds. Also, maybe protest in front of hospital or Babies R Us instead of the mall. You need to go for your target audience and circumcision decision makers. Leave people like me, Brian and the girl from Charley's Steakery alone.