In case you're looking for a reason not to go downtown this week, Oklahoma City is hosting a NCAA Men's Basketball Regional at Chesapeake Arena from Thursday through Sunday. One of the eight teams making its way to OKC is the Northern Iowa Barnstormers of the Missouri Valley Conference. (I just totally made up that nickname because I'm too lazy to open up a new tab.)
In preparation for the big visit, The Des Moines Register's Linh Ta came up with a list of five Oklahoma City "Hot Spots" for Northern Iowa fans to check out while in town. Because it's always fun to see what out-of-town reporters think about your city, I thought it would be fun to break down the list.
The first Oklahoma City "Hot Spot" is...
Listen, I think every out-of-town visitor should stop by the Oklahoma City National Memorial. It’s a powerful, important, emotional place and should be experienced by everyone. That being said, it's not exactly what I would call a “Hot Spot.” It's not like you're out pre-drinking with your buddies on a Friday night and someone suggests hitting up the memorial:
"Hey, where do y'all want to go tonight?"
"Let's see who's at the Bombing Memorial. If it's hoppin', we'll stay. If not, we'll head over Fassler."
Seriously, that's an odd way to start a list of "Hot Spots." Let's check out #2:
I know some animal rights activists from Seattle would disagree, but I think we have nice zoo. The Oklahoma Trail exhibit is awesome, the Great EscAPE is still cool and, uhm, we used to have Aquaticus! That being said, why would an out-of-towner want to go the zoo? Doesn't every city have a zoo? "Hey look, they have exotic animals sadly confined to cages just like at our zoo, but that's fine because I want to see a bear!" The only way you can consider the Oklahoma City Zoo a hot spot is if you're going to a concert at the Zoo Amphitheatre in July, and even then, being a hot spot is simply literal.
The third "Hot Spot" on the list may look and sound familiar:
Wait. They put the Oklahoma City National Memorial on the list twice?!
Okay, not really. I guess someone screwed up in the Des Moines Register word factory and mixed up the subheads. It should read "National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum" or whatever it is they now call the Cowboy Hall of Fame. Maybe I should work for the Des Moines Register instead of KFOR.
Ignoring the fact that places where gifted and talented kids take school field trips cannot possibly qualify as a "Hot Spot," how can they make that mistake? Why would the Bombing Memorial feature a variety of exhibits and lectures on Cowboys and Native American culture? They better tell the tour guides at the NCWHM to expect some curious questions from confused Northern Iowa Fans.
This is usually the place on the list where you find Bricktown. It's been Oklahoma City’s favorite "Hot Spot" for regional and national travel writers since 2001. Let's check it out:
Yeah, this list has officially become absurd. Outside of looking like it could be blown away during a small thunderstorm, there’s nothing unique or cool or special or different about The Outlet Shoppes. It's just your regular old outlet mall that you can find in any region of Generica. The only way you could be amused by it is if you come from a barren, desolate region that doesn’t have any restaurants chains, malls or outlet shoppes. You know, a place like Iowa!!!
Haha! Boom! Big League City slam!
Here’s the final Oklahoma City "Hot Spot." Shockingly, it’s not Bricktown:
I actually like the Museum of Art. They always have nice exhibits, and the rooftop bar is definitely a "Hot Spot" for people in the pretend-to-be-popular crowd.
Anyway, that's it for the list of 5 Oklahoma City "Hot Spots" according to the Des Moines Register. If you see any teary-eyed, emotionally drained Northern Iowa fans walking around town, I guess you'll know why.
Also, Des Moines is hosting an NCAA Regional just like we are. To celebrate, the newspaper released this video where two open mic comics roast other host cities while being totally oblivious to the fact that they live and work in a town that considers solemn memorials, zoos and everyday outlet malls to be "Hot Spots." They make fun of Oklahoma City towards the end. I did embed it on this site, but it's an autoplay video so I removed it. You can watch it on the Des Moines Register website if you're really bored.
