Like a villain from the 1960's Batman television series who keeps trying the same lame trick over and over again, our state lawmakers will not give up certain issues. If you need proof, check out the 10 Commandments Monument fiasco. You may have thought it was dead after the the mega-controversial monument was deemed unconstitutional by the state supreme court and unceremoniously removed from capitol grounds in the middle of the night like a car being towed from the Fantasy Island parking lot, but sadly the issue still survives. You didn't expect the fundamentalists inside the capitol to give up on their dream of theocracy so easily, did you?
Via KOCO.com:
A court decision forcing the removal of a Ten Commandments monument from the Statehouse grounds last year so angered Republican leaders in Oklahoma that several measures have been introduced in an effort to bring it back.
At least four resolutions -- two each in the House and Senate -- seek a public vote on whether to amend the Oklahoma Constitution to remove the language that prohibits the use of public money or property from benefiting a religion. The state Supreme Court cited that language last year in its decision that the monument was a religious symbol and must be removed.
"I believe this has hit a strong nerve with the people of Oklahoma," said freshman Rep. John Paul Jordan, a Republican from Oklahoma City who authored of one of the resolutions. "I believe this battle is a battle that belongs to the people of Oklahoma."
For as much talk about preserving the Constitution I hear from these state Republicans, they really don't seem to be too interested in what it says. I mean, separation of church and state is literally in the very first amendment. You don't need to get too far into it to find that part, but these are the same people who skimmed through Corinthians in bible study class.
Instead of continuing to resurrect this same granite slab, maybe they should look into the creation of new unconstitutional works to erect on public grounds. Here, I'll even throw in some ideas to save them time:
Ark of the Covenant
The legendary vessel for the 10 Commandments would be a perfect follow-up. Not only is it directly related to the original monument, but it looks way cooler, and carries the potential to melt faces. Plus, they could argue that it's not actually a biblical reference, but a tribute to the classic 1981 adventure film, 'Raiders of the Lost Ark.'
-
Heteronormative bathroom signs
Republicans get really worked up about where people do their business, to the point of writing a completely unenforceable bill restricting everyone to only go into the bathroom of their genetic birth gender. If we tear down the walls that separate the rooms where we pee... well, we really don't know what will happen, but it might involve parents having to explain the world to their children, and that's just wrong.
To commemorate the undying intolerance that Oklahoma's politicians have towards the LGBT community, they can install 2 giants marble replicas of the classic men's and women's bathroom signs. It will convey to the world, "Think twice before you squat in the Heartland, ladyboys!"
-
Golden oil pump
Yeah, yeah, I know the bible says something or other about not worshiping false idols, but we skipped through that section to get to the juicy parts. Our one true god in Oklahoma is oil and natural gas. We live by it and die by it, and with the intensely dark storm clouds gathering on the horizon, shit is about to get bleak.
Maybe instead of watching it happen, we plea for forgiveness to Frackenstein, God of Energy, by erecting a life-size gold-plated oil pump. It can be positioned to shadow one of the actual rigs that still stand active on the capitol. When oil prices dip below $50 a barrel, state leaders will gather with a sacrificial animal and try to make good with our fossil fuel overlord.
-
Monument to the monument
The true epic of our modern era is the story of the 10 Commandments sculpture. We could build a giant granite tablet that tells the story of the monument that will never be. It would educate future generations about the typos engraved on the original, the vehicle that smashed it and broke it into pieces, a statue of the Baphomet that was built in reaction, and the cowboys who rode their horsies to the state capitol to show their support for the dissolution of America's founding principles. This would present an actual history lesson for people to reflect upon, where we could go to meditate on what happens when politicians ignore fundamental ideas of democracy so they can pander to a religious base that keeps them in office.
