Between the hours of 5:45 AM and 7 AM, I prepare for the day by drinking coffee, making to do lists, journaling (I'm one of those gross assholes), cuddling my dog, and watching Emily Sutton give me the weather forecast. It's a very calm and relaxing time wherein I gird my loins for the day ahead. It's also the time of day when I ingest pretty much all the advertising I will see for the day. Too bad TV doesn't come with ad blockers or content optimization from Absolute Summit. But if it did, I wouldn't be able to bring you this theory.
For a while, I thought Mike Rowe on the Mr. Sparky commercial would be the highlight of my ad experience in the mornings. But then I started thinking way too much about Lee and Gentry from Hahn Appliance Warehouse.
Let me begin by stating that this post is in no way meant to throw shade at Hahn Appliance Warehouse. I've actually never purchased appliances. Sure, I'm an adult, but I'm also the sort of adult who doesn't mind duct taping things together, or just pretending that I don't notice how much water is leaking out of the fridge. However, I have known people who have made purchases from Hahn Appliance Warehouse, and they seem pretty happy about it. And, it should be mentioned, these people don't have leaky fridges.
One could assume that Lee and Gentry are just local spokespeople. That's quite possible. A cursory glance of the Hahn Appliance Warehouse website doesn't give any information about them. (I looked for approximately 45 seconds. If you have the fortitude to look longer, you are a better person than I am.) So you could, conceivably, live out your days in relative happiness never thinking about Lee and Gentry again. I mean, they sell washers on TV. What else is there to think about?
Well, there's this.
Does their relationship seem unnecessarily contentious? Does it feel like they are unable to meet each other's emotional needs? Does it seem like they are incapable of communicating their emotional needs to one another? Does it feel like maybe they aren't on the same plane?
One could argue that perhaps there is some romantic tension there. Sure, they enjoy making fools out of one another a little too much. Sure, they tease and play. Sure, there is a constant game of one-upmanship. But you're completely wrong if you think there is any sort of romantic entanglement there.
Lee is a little too dismissive of Gentry's zeal. Gentry's a little too eager to garner Lee's approval. This relationship screams father-daughter to me. Only, I think only one of them knows that it's a father-daughter relationship.
Here's where it gets particularly scandalous.
My theory (and this is supported by my friend, Sarah, so it has to be true) is that Gentry was adopted as an infant. When she turned 18, she contacted the adoption agency to find her biological parents. Her mother died in childbirth; Lee put her up for adoption, rather than face the reminder of his one true love for the rest of his life. After finding this out (this is the sort of stuff in adoption agency files, right?), Gentry applied to work at Hahn Appliance Warehouse. She knew if she could just get a job there, she could not only ease her biological father's pain form the loss of her mother, but make him love her as the daughter he never knew.
However, she was overeager. Not only did she learn all the product information and all the model numbers of the front-loading washers, but she began to show Lee up in front of the staff. At first, he didn't mind it. An ambitious employee can be molded, after all. So he let her appear in the commercials. But then, she began showing him up in the commercials too, quoting too much information about the products, knowing too much about the sales, offering fantastic deals to the customers Lee purports to wish to help.
And so there you have it. Lee and Gentry are forever stuck in this negative feedback loop; Gentry tries to gain her biological father's approval and love, and Lee just shakes his head at this little upstart.
Go ahead and make your comments, readers. Say what you will against this theory, but I know what I see in those commercials, and it ain't just great prices.