Welcome to a new TLO feature. It's called "Meet Your Derplahoman Lawmaker." In each installment, we'll give you a look inside the warped minds of the people who run this state.
The first guy up is Oklahoma State Rep. Casey Murdock. He's a conservative lawmaker who represents House District 62 in the Oklahoma panhandle – you know, that desolate lot of land that's home to rattlesnakes, hog farms and bustling metropolises like Hooker, Beaver and Slapout.
Before we continue, one thought. Anyone else think it's time we just get rid of the panhandle? I say we give it to Texas or Kansas. For one, it makes our state too recognizable to outsiders. With all the crazy news that comes from the Sooner state, I think it would be better of we were a little harder to find. Also, imagine how much real estate a panhandleless Oklahoma would saved on your TV screen during severe weather season. Sounds good, doesn't it?
So far, Casey Murdock's first term as a State Rep has been fun and very eventful. Well, at least on a social level. Over the summer, Murdock was named "2015 State Rep of the Year" by the Oklahoma Lobbying Association, a fictitious award I just made up that goes to the Oklahoma lawmaker who accepts the most gifts from lobbyists, trade organizations and other groups who use their money and influence to control politicians and promote agendas.
The top gift-getter this session was Rep. Casey Murdock, R-District 61. He received nearly $2,900 in meals and gifts, including a $207 meal from the teachers union lobbyist and $190 in basketball tickets from a lobbyist who represents the municipal league, wind power and an economic development group, the database shows.
Murdock said he was trying to make as many contacts as possible, understand the issues and figure out how the Capitol works.
Yep, nothing helps you understand how the Oklahoma Capitol works better than a nice meal at Mickey Mantle's followed by club seats at a Thunder game! It makes sense. Where else are you going to to meet all the lobbyists and energy company executives who control our state.
In addition to accepting gifts from lobbyists, Rep. Murdock excels at other Oklahoma GOP practices that benefit his constituents. For example, he's really great at posting hysterical stuff on Facebook. Check this out:
I love it! See, that's funny because libtard Democrats (especially the black ones) commit 90% of all gun violence in America! If they just stopped shooting each other, crime would disappear and everyone would be safe. Then we'd be able to use semi-automatic weapons for the reasons God intended, like deer hunting and militia practice! I'm sure the 14 Democrats who live in his district got a laugh out of that one.
In addition to sharing extremely accurate, not in any way misleading Facebook memes, Casey also shares stories that prove events from the Bible are real:
Yeah, haven't you heard? They found the Egyptian army that Charlton Heston tricked into following his people into the Red Sea. Even though the story originated from a satirical news site and was disproven by Snopes, it must be true. Detective Murdock also uncovered this article that proves the existence of Adam and Eve (the people... not the sex toy company).
For fun, I clicked the link. It's total bullshit. The only thing it massively proves is that some idiots know nothing about science and will share anything online. This fact is proven by other links Murdock has shared, like this article that glorifies the good old days when we'd hang people for crimes such as theft.
Yeah, our system of justice made way more sense back when only white men who owned property took care of things. I'm sure that was a great time to live.
Anyway, there are plenty of other insightful, unintentionally hysterical Facebook posts on Murdock's page. Check them out here. If you see him out and about in Bricktown or a Thunder game, give him a big friendly Oklahoma City welcome and buy the man a $7 beer. I'm sure he's still trying to figure out how the Capitol works.