OU football fans get a well-deserved bad rap. We're spoiled, fussy, whiny, fair weather assholes who have unrealistic expectations, ho-hum our way through home games, and pee on our shoes at urinal troughs. To make matters worse, most of us didn't even go to school there. Pathetic, huh?
Of course, it could be worse. At least we don't drive tractors to games or wave at our cousins on the other side of the stadium after a touchdown. Also, we know what it feels like to be a fan of a respected, historically dominant football program that has won numerous National Championships, with the last one being in the year 2000... 15 years ago... when I was 22. WTF.
Despite all the negatives, OU fans do have some positive traits. For example, we drink a lot and make really terrible decisions. The most recent fan to do this was Harold Anthony Schroeder, who we're going to call Harry Schroeder because it sounds funny.
Harry decided to celebrate OU's big victory over Baylor (that still sounds weird, doesn't it) by getting hammered and taking a nap in the McLennan County Courthouse in Waco.
Via the Waco Tribune:
When Jack Harwell was sheriff of McLennan County, folks affectionately referred to the county jail as the “Harwell Hilton.”
Saturday morning, a drunken Oklahoma Sooners fan who thought he was at the Waco Hilton but instead was found sleeping in the McLennan County Courthouse got to spend the rest of the day at the “Harwell Hilton,” deputies said.
Wait a second? They found him on Saturday morning. He partied like this before the game? As a Level 2 alcoholic, I'm impressed by his dedication:
Deputies responding to a burglar alarm at the courthouse about 8:15 a.m. Saturday found Harold Anthony Schroeder, 35, of Oklahoma City, curled up between the counsel rail and the first-row seats in the 54th State District Courtroom.
Wearing a crimson Oklahoma Sooners shirt, a groggy Schroeder sat on a bench in the courthouse rotunda and tried to explain to deputies that he thought he was at the Hilton.
Deputies noted in reports that Schroeder smelled strongly of alcohol.
This means one of three things...
1. The McLennan County Courthouse is really nice...
2. The Waco Hilton is really awful...
3. Some asshole bartender roofied Harry and / or he enjoys other substances in addition to alcohol...
I'm leaning towards option 3. I've done a lot of hands-on research on this topic, and it's virtually impossible to get drunk enough to confuse at a courthouse for Hilton. I can maybe see a Motel 6 or Laquinta, but not a Hilton. No way. You need something else in your system to get you to that point.
Smith said Schroeder was not charged with burglary of a building because his intent was not to steal anything — he was just looking for a place to sleep. He told deputies he didn’t know how he ended up in a third-floor courtroom, Smith said.
A courthouse employee who asked not to be identified said she entered the building from the North Fifth Street side Saturday morning and heard the alarm sounding.
Deputies asked her to leave while they searched the building, but she said she heard Schroeder say he and his friends had been drinking at a downtown bar and he left, thinking he was walking to the Hilton.
She said his friends told courthouse officials that they looked for him when he didn’t make it back to the Hilton.
Well, I think we figured out the plot to the next Hangover movie. Seriously, how do you lose your friend in Waco? They're lucky Harry found his own personal Hilton and didn't get killed by Mike Tyson's tiger. Or a bear. Whatever.
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