We've found the Queen of Derplahoma!
About a month or so ago, we profiled the local almonds, acorns and pecans behind Donald Trump's Oklahoma presidential campaign. One of them is local socialite Carol Hefner. She's the married-into-it-matriarch of the rich, powerful, and connected Hefner family. You know, the one that has lakes, mansions and energy companies named after them.
If Carol's name and face ring a bell, it's probably because you subscribe to the Oklahoma City Friday or religiously read Helen Ford Wallace's articles in The Oklahoman. She's in both all the time. You may also know Carol from the time she ran for the State Senate in 2011, or when she "auditioned" for the not-so-Real Housewives of Oklahoma City scam thing in 2013.
Here's what Carol told KFOR when she auditioned for the "show."
“Without being stale boring or dull, we are gracious but we're fun,” Hefner said. “We're spicy, we're saucy, we shake it up but we do it with grace and dignity."
Yep, Carol shakes things up with "grace and dignity." She's a class act. It's why she's always posting hysterical jokes like this on Facebook:
So classy! Do you get it??? The second line is great. It's funny because Michelle Obama is black, and National Geographic publishes photos of naked women in primitive African tribes, therefore they would offer her $50 to pose nude in the magazine!!! LOLZ! Hysterical!!!
When she's not telling racist jokes, Carol also likes to show her support for the Confederate Flag...
Yep, she "loved it" when a bunch of redneck racists greeted an African-American president with the Confederate Flag. You can't really blame her. As we know, President Obama is the second coming of Hitler...
That's nice. Only the most graceful and classy ladies compare our President to Hitler.
Those are three of about 5,000,000 crazy, somewhat deranged posts you can find in Carol's public Facebook account. We decided to share some of the more entertaining / crazy ones that show her true character. They cover the typical Derplahoman themes such as racism, bigotry, Islamophobia, entitlement and absolute lunacy.
For example:
Yep, blacks are more racist than whites, and we know this is because 94% of blacks voted for Barack Obama in the 2012 Presidential Election... which is 4% more than the 90% of blacks who voted for a very white Al Gore in 2000.
For an affluent, middle-aged white woman, Carol's actually an expert when it comes to the plight of black in American history. For example, did you know blacks perpetuated and promoted slavery on themselves.
I love how she writes "freed slaves chose to stay with their owners and work in different capacity because they were loved and treated like family." I'm sure that's exactly how it was. Although it would be another 100+ years before most blacks could receive a fair education, have freedom to vote in elections, or have the same economic opportunities as their white peers, I'm sure the post Civil War south was a warm, inviting place for former slaves who were obviously free to voice their opinions without any fear of vigilante violence or retribution.
I agree with this. The KKK was the invention of the left... which is exactly why all the racists and KKK members fled to the right when the Democrats pushed for civil rights legislation in the 1960s.
If you think Carol has some demented views on race in America, check out how she feels about Muslims. She thinks most should simply go back to where they came from...
See what I mean? She really is the queen of Derplahoma. She should start signing autographs at gunshows and monster truck rallies.
Since it's quite obvious that Carol hates any and all muslims, naturally she's not a big fan of the Kenyan-born Muslim dictator who rules this country:
Holy shit. Why's she only chairing Trump's election campaign? She should be his running mate.
Instead of responding to any of these items, I'll just post the sound that Carol must hear in her head all day...
That's better. Now back to our regularly scheduled craziness:
Yep, Michelle Obama is just in for herself... says the wannabe socialite who "auditioned" to be on the Real Housewives of Oklahoma City. Also, is the plastic-looking affluent housewife really calling out someone else for getting plastic surgery? That's not going to make Carol's friends in the Junior League very happy.
Good news, Jewish people! Carol Hefner has always considered you all to be "smart people." Now you're in her doghouse for supporting Hitler Version 2.0 in 2008 and 2012! Suckers!
Here's Carol's opinion on the transgendered community:
If it's an act of love to tell a transgendered friend they have a mental disorder, is it okay to do the same for an insane woman who posts crazy racist ramblings on Facebook? Maybe? What if she thinks earthquakes destroy mountains?
First of all, I don't think anyone is saying that fracking is causing the world's earthquakes. We're just saying that wastewater injections wells can cause man made earthquakes in Oklahoma. Second, what the fuck does this have to do with anything? Does she really think earthquakes destroy mountains? You see, mountains erode and shrink in size due to millions upon millions upon millions of years of erosion and...
Wait. I am really trying to explain science to a woman who probably thinks the world is 6,000-years old and global warming is a myth perpetuated by the world's scientist? I'd rather spend my time doing something more productive like talking fantasy football bad beats and hypothetical situations for the college football playoff.
Out of all Carol's racist, islamophobic, bat shit insane updates, we didn't see one thing about how to confront income inequality. We do, however, get to see how fun income inequality can be for certain people, especially those who inherited money or married into it...
Yep, life is full of great blessings... if you're rich and last name is Hefner. No wonder she's chairing Trump's election campaign. She's also out of touch with regular people.
Anyway, you can check out more crazy shit from Carol Hefner on Facebook. I'd hurry up and do it before she makes her account private. At that point, you'll have to friend her. If you're a white Christian and don't mind being friends with a wealthy, racist, Islamophobe, that shouldn't be a problem.
