In a scene that caused many a hobo to look at their bottle of booze, say “I gotta quit drinkin’!”, go cross-eyed and pass-out, a magical little Shetland pony that I'm naming Pequeño and his friendly woodland pals staged a daring heist in the city’s downtown district as the city slept early Friday morning.
Police and animal control were alerted to the presence of Pequeño around 4:30 a.m., leading to a stand-off that lasted nearly 15 minutes as OKCPD officers bumbled about, often times running into each other head-first and landing face-down in fresh horse manure, to which they wiped out of their eyes and proclaimed “I’mma gonna get that li'l horse!”
Eventually employees from the Stockyards, armed with their trusty cowboy lassos, corralled the Shetland pony at a playground located at SW 2 and S. Dewey. Reports from eyewitnesses claim that what made the arrest so difficult was an army of squirrels and other rodents who began pummeling the cowboys with nuts and acorns. Still, despite their valiant efforts, Pequeño was eventually caught and placed him into a trailer generously donated by the Lucky Horseshoe Glue Company.
Okay, it may not have happened like this, but a Brony can dream, right? Let's continue...
“This animal might look cute and cuddly but him and his type are a menace,” said Oklahoma Horseshoeing School South Campus owner and local billionaire Philbert McClendon Von Dastardly. “And don’t think I won’t catch your animal pals now that I have the magical Book of Astragoth! The PonyStone is mine and all will bow before me!”
In an unforeseen turn of events, while police were distracted by a Brussels Griffon named Randy dressed as a sexy lady, Pequeño managed to escape and his whereabouts are currently unknown. Von Dastardly is offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who brings him the head of, and I quote, “that infernal beast!”
Below is an artist's rendering of Pequeño and the accomplices he was last seen with.