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This Oklahoma badass has a long driveway…

Kenny Childers american badass

The locked and loaded man pictured above is Kenny Childers. If the cut-off Physicians Surgery Center t-shirt doesn't prove it, he's a 100%, Grade-A, Oklahoma badass, and probably related to Chuck Norris. And I'm not talking about the mean Chuck Norris from the 1970s and 1980s. I'm talking about the nice, ethical, moral one from Walker, Texas Ranger who uses the Total Gym.

On Saturday night, Kenny and his wife won big at Riverwind Casino. (I'm going to guess slot machines.) After cashing out, they were followed home by a couple of criminal masterminds looking to score a jackpot of their own.

Here's the story via KFOR. It involves the shady, ruthless, convoluted underground world of Oklahoma tribal casinos, energy companies, politicians and religious leaders who conspire with biker gangs and wealthy Vietnamese drug cartels in a flimsy, unbelievable plot to traffic narcotics, sex slaves and precious metals across the... wait... I'm summarizing my treatment for Season 3 of True Detective. My bad.

This story is a little bit easier to follow and doesn't make you roll your eyes. It involves knife wielding robbers, playing chicken with empty shotguns, and apparently the world's longest driveway.

So let me get this straight, after tossing the robber the keys to his truck, Kenny still had time to run inside, grab an empty shotgun, play chicken, let the robber go, run inside again, load the shotgun, and then chase the robber down with a four-wheeler? I'll need to incorporate this scene in my True Detective treatment. I think I'll get Josh Hartnett to play the role of Kenny. How long is this driveway again?


Okay, that's pretty fucking long. You know, it looks like he has extra-space for a trailer. I may know of someone looking for some land.

Anyway, the robber is pretty fortunate that Kenny got to him before the cops did. Otherwise, he probably would have been shot and killed! The next robber may not be so lucky.

[Kenny] has a message for anyone else who might try to victimize him and his family in his own home.

“I’m retired.  I’m home all the time.  And I will shoot somebody.”

I love Oklahoma. In other states, retirees play golf, shuffleboard and take up painting. In Oklahoma, they sit around dreaming of shooting people. Once again, say it with me, "Is this a great state or what?"

p.s. - Should I send me treatment to Nic Pizzolatto? It can't be worse than last season, right? 

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