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Law and Order

BMX Bandit robs bank on bike, becomes bane to the Bureau!

1:51 PM EDT on June 22, 2015


There’s nary a visit to a bank, convenience store, liquor store or pawn shop where I don’t get caught up in the moment, daydreaming as to what it would be like to rob the place. Looking at the camera set-ups, scouring the exits, wondering what I’d use as a getaway vehicle. And then my number’s called and I’m back in reality, broke as a joke.

We live in desperate times and, increasingly, a desperate city full of desperate men. And pure desperation is probably why this man robbed the UMB Bank in Stockyards City, and then actually took the risk of using a mothereffin’ Mongoose Californian with handlebar-breaks and a sweet vented saddle as his getaway vehicle.

Here’s KOCO’s James Spader in Less Than Zero Morgan Chesky and Mecca Rayne with the full story…

First of all, if I robbed a bank on a BMX, here’s how I’d probably celebrate...

Anyway, contrary to what Mumbles O’Shopkeep thinks, I really don’t believe there’s anything to be scared about. You’re safe, Holmes—no criminal with only a bike to his name is gonna return to the scene of the crime. Take another nap.

Do you know how much planning must’ve gone into this? The routes he must’ve explored in such a wide-open area, probably employing numerous trick flips,  jumps and wheelies. And what about that fat local sheriff that was on his tail, only to be cut off when the 10:30 Santa Fe came rolling by, our hero making a last-minute triple-ollie through an open boxcar, leaving the cop to do nothing but throw his Stetson in the dirt in anger? That was totally bitchin'.

But, even more excitedly, what if this inspires more carless crime in the Metro? A cadre of rollerbladers robbing an armored-truck. A box-car derby racer holding up a drive-through convenience store. A segway rider swiping fanny-packs off of tourists in Bricktown. It’s a whole new world of crime, people, and it’s your chance to hit the ground running… literally.

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