10 things to do during the summer in Oklahoma

9:05 AM EDT on June 3, 2015

So, June is here and the rains have stopped. The weather is perfect, and I'm finally remembering what it was like to have a sun in the sky. If you're like me, you've already transitioned into your summer wardrobe (too short gym shorts and an old concert t-shirt) so you can really get in the spirit of the season (not die when your house gets too hot during OG&E Smart Hours). And of course, all this means that summer is just around the corner.

If you're a parent, then you're probably looking for things to do with your kids. And if you're an adult, you're probably wishing you still had summers off. And if you're a teacher with summers off, you're probably looking for a new job because it's not awesome to be a teacher in the state of Oklahoma right now.

If you're having trouble figuring out what to do with your summer, don't worry. I've got you covered. Here I present you with 10 things to do during the summer in Oklahoma.

1. Get skin cancer.

So, I'm one of those intolerable 20-something women who wears a shit ton of sunscreen because I never want to age. I put it on the backs of my hands even, just so I don't get old lady hands too early. Yes, I used to tan a lot. But I've seen the error of my ways. However, my fine, freckled friends, you need to watch your backs. I know that if you're the type who doesn't take any advice about sunscreen, you totally won't care when I tell you that you should do it. That's why I'm encouraging you to get skin cancer.

2. Contract Lyme disease.

I bet right now your backyard is like a swampy jungle full of mud, snakes, and ticks. At least that's what my backyard is like at the moment. I don't know a lot about Lyme disease, other than you get it from ticks. Also, I once saw an episode of Intervention where a pill addict had untreated Lyme disease, and that's why she started taking all these painkillers in the first place. Is this a normal occurrence with Lyme disease? I don't know, but I'm going to say yes. After all, I saw it on cable. And you were probably going to spend your summer experimenting with drugs anyway.

3. Plant a garden.

What's that? You already planted your garden back in April like a good little farmer? Well, if it's like mine, it flooded all of May, lost half the soil in the raised beds, and is now producing some really weird plants that were planted there by the flood waters. So, it's time to do it again. And on the off chance that your garden is doing well, congrats! And you probably don't have to water it for the rest of the summer since we got like 20 inches of rain. Maybe. I'm not really sure how to make a garden thrive. I'm a city girl.

4. Order some Dippin' Dots from Roxy's.

I'm an asshole. This is a thing I would do. I know Roxy's doesn't have Dippin' Dots, but only because they don't care about the future of ice cream!

various type of alcoholic drinks isolated on white

5. Create an Oklahoma cocktail!

So, I think it's time that Oklahoma got it's own cocktail. Just imagine drinking an Oklahoma on the rocks on your favorite patio. We need to work together on this one. What are all the beverages that really encompass the Oklahoma experience? Judging from what my local liquor store sells out of the most, I'd say our cocktail would contain sweet tea vodka and Bud Light Lime-a-ritas. It's probably not great, but I've had worse.

6. Get wasted at a Dodger's game.

So, probably the cheapest place to get a drink in Bricktown is the ballpark on a Thursday night. They have $2 beers, and you know you want to abuse that privilege.

7. Refuse to float a river/go camping.

I think everyone has a friend in their group that comes up with terrible ideas like floating a river or going camping. Why would anyone like to do these things? And don't tell me that it's fun because it gives you an opportunity to drink, because the air conditioning in my living room also gives me an opportunity to drink, and I don't have to encounter any wildlife. Summer really is the perfect opportunity to tell these people that no, you will not be joining them on their ill-conceived adventure.

8. Kick the kids off the sprayground so you can play.

One of the worst things about adulthood is seeing all the cool new things that the kids nowadays get and thinking about how much you would've loved them as a kid. One of those things for me is the sprayground. I was always the type to play in the sprinkler since I can't really swim (at least, not in an effective manner), and the sprayground is like a sprinkler on steroids. Sure, the kids deserve some fun. They are kids, after all. But dammit. I want to play on one of the spraygrounds too. And hell, if they had H & 8th at a sprayground, I would totally be there.

9. Avoid White Water Bay.

I've written about this terrible place many a time. (See here, here, here, and here.) Basically, I refuse to write about it any more until they start paying me. Which they won't, because I don't ever say anything complimentary about that place. Anyway, just know that this place should not factor into your summer plans.