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The judge has ruled! We get to steal Seattle’s elephants!

OKC-Zoo-Trio_800 elephants

First we stole their basketball team. Now we've swiped their elephants. You better wrap some Kryptonite around that Space Needle, Seattle, because you never know what we'll come after next!

After a brief legal fight and whine session led by Bob Barker and other annoying animal rights activists who are still bitter that Kevin Durant is being examined by Dr. Magoo and the rest of the Oklahoma City Thunder basketball team medical staff, a King County judge refused to block the transfer of two awesome elephants from Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo to the nice, expansive and very new elephant exhibit at the Oklahoma City Zoo.

According to, the animals should be arriving soon...

A judge declined Friday to block the transfer of Woodland Park Zoo’s two elephants, putting them closer to a new home at the Oklahoma City Zoo.

Animal-welfare activists vowed to continue their fight to have the aging female elephants moved to a sanctuary.

King County Superior Court Judge Palmer Robinson said she didn’t think the activists could win a court case contending that the city of Seattle — and not the Woodland Park Zoological Society — owns the animals. The judge also refused to grant a two-week stay to delay the move.

“Of course we’re disappointed, but we’re not going to stop fighting to get Chai and Bamboo to a sanctuary,” said Alyne Fortgang, co-founder of the Elephant Justice Project. A lawsuit pending in federal court in Seattle also seeks to block the planned transfer to the Oklahoma City Zoo. Activists’ arguments in that case center around the Endangered Species Act.

According to my unofficial tally, this means Oklahoma City is now 2-0 in court disputes with Seattle. Granted, Clay Bennett and Co. settled with the city over the Sonics, but since we now have professional basketball and they don't, I think you can say we won that one. Hopefully Seattle has learned their lesson and will no longer use the courts to keep us away from our God-given rights.

Also, I already know how this is going to play out. Here in a month or two, the elephants will arrive in Oklahoma City. They'll struggle at first, but after feeling their way around the zoo and becoming part of the new herd, they'll gain some confidence, find a little rhythm, and before you know it, look like the pair of amazing young elephants we all dreamed they'd become. After a few winters of growth, they'll soon become unstoppable. They'll take our city and the zoological world by storm, and capture the hearts of a nation. And then in two years, right when they're on the precipice of greatness, we'll trade the youngest one to the Houston Zoo for a lemur, spotted owl and a couple of zebras.

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