A few weeks back, the Oklahoma City Not-The-89ers held a contest to determine the names of their new mascots. After a couple of rounds of nominations and voting, their identities have been released:
After receiving over 1,000 submissions for new mascot names, and close to 2,000 votes during the finals, the Oklahoma City Dodgers announced their new mascots will be named Brooklyn (female) and Brix (male).“We had incredible response from all of our fans who wanted to share their input from start to finish,” said OKC Dodgers President/General Manager Michael Byrnes. “Once we narrowed down the field, it became pretty evident Brooklyn and Brix were the most popular choices. It's a great combo that not only honors the Dodgers' history, but also places an emphasis on the local community.”
Brooklyn and Brix? I guess nobody with the Bricktown Association mentioned to the team's new owners that the worst restaurant in Bricktown's history was a sports bar called "Brix." Considering Bricktown was once home to the Daiquiri Zone, that's saying something.
Also, I've known 10 girls named Brooklyn and I'm pretty sure they've all asked me to donate $1 to a deejay fund at one time or another. Seriously, they really gave the mascot a stripper name. That would be cool... if it wasn't the name of a different city. I don't care about Dodgers history, that's insulting. They should have gone with a regular stripper name like Diamond, Sage or Pixie.
If you think the names stink like a Bricktown Ballpark bathroom on Thirsty Thursday, check out what the mascots look like...
What in the world? I think the Robo Niner inside all of us just died a little. Something tells me the Not-The-89ers called the OU Athletic Department and asked:
"Hey, you know the person who designed those horse pig mascots? Well, we're looking for someone even worse. Any suggestions?"
Seriously, what are those things and which 4th grader drew them? Are they dogs? Why does the male have a camel toe? That's going to lead to some great conversations between innings:
"Hey, mom. Why's the mascot for the Dodgers a dog?"
"Well, sweetie, because dogs dodge cars in traffic."
"But didn't Mr. Nibbles get hit by a car, Mom?"
Actually, the real inspiration for the mascots was the Dodger Dog. So yeah, have fun explaining to your kid that the hot dogs at Not-The-89ers games have real dog meat in them.
Anyway, this new era of Oklahoma City professional baseball is off to a rocky start. They have a bad team name and bad mascots. From here on out, we're just going to refer to them as the Not-The-89ers. It's basically our version of Bill Simmons' "Zombie Sonics." Anytime and everytime we mention the team on this site, which is hopefully very rarely, that's what we're calling them. Well, at least until my bosses at ESPN tell me to stop, or the Not-The-89ers request an award-winning TLO Media Kit. One of the two.