And here we are, the final games of the first round! What a long, strange trip it's been. Don't forget to go vote for this morning's games here. This afternoon's games feature Russell Westbrook, Linda Cavanaugh and then nothing else but a whole lot of questionable people. Here they are:
(6) Mary Fallin's Gold Bust vs (11) Joe Dorman
(3) Mayor Mick vs (14) Derpy Dan Fisher
(7) Linda Cavanaugh vs (10) Jenni Carlson
(2) Russell Westbrook vs (15) Yellow Lamborghini Driver
(6) Mary Fallin's Gold Bust vs (11) Joe Dorman
(6) Mary Fallin's Gold Bust
What it is: Even better than the real thing.
Strengths: At least looks like the actual person, unlike, say Sam Bradford.
Weaknesses: Has never even been to the Playboy Mansion.
(11) Joe Dorman
Who he is: The guy who got smoked by Mary Fallin in November.
Strengths: Uses the pick-up line "Ever seen the top of a bald man's head?" Sometimes it even works.
Weaknesses: Decided to wait until he was out of office and had already lost his governor's race to start actually fighting for things, just like all weaksauce Democrats.
(3) Mayor Mick vs (14) Derpy Dan Fisher
(3) Mayor Mick
Who he is: The Mayor of a Big League City in the midwest plains.
Strengths: Managed to go on Meet The Press and brag about Oklahoma City without having to answer a single mild question about our schools.
Weaknesses: Probably isn't actually a pot-smoking mayor.
(14) Derpy Dan Fisher
Who he is: Another moron politician. Good lord, are we about done with them yet? This is getting repetitive.
Strengths: He doesn't just wear a boring suit all the time like most people.
Weaknesses: He wants to get rid of AP US History classes.
(7) Linda Cavanaugh vs (10) Jenni Carlson
(7) Linda Cavanaugh
Who she is: Legendary newslady.
Strengths: Just keeps plugging along and outlasting all the others who want her job.
Weaknesses: The sort of person who tweets stuff like this into your feed:
(10) Jenni Carlson
Who she is: A mother of children.
Strengths: Ably able and willing to carry the PR water for all of her employer's pet causes.
Weaknesses: The lede about a guy accused of strangling his girlfriend:
Things move fast in Tyreek Hill's world.
Also:
He was all alone, the ball cradled in his left hand, and just for a moment, he put the index finger on his right hand over his mouth in a "shh" gesture.
Now, we're left to wonder if those hands were around his girlfriend's neck Thursday night.
I mean, we're talking writing so bad and offensive that NewsOK had to yank it from their site.
(2) Russell Westbrook vs (15) Yellow Lamborghini Driver
(2) Russell Westbrook
Who he is: The most valuable player in the NBA.
Strengths: So undeniably good now that even crusty old white men can't deny it.
Weaknesses: It just feels like he's going to hurt himself again at any moment.
(15) Yellow Lamborghini Driver
Who he is: A super-entitled jackass.
Strengths: He's the envy of middle-school boys everywhere.
Weaknesses: Overcompensating?
