Ogle Madness VIII: West Region (Upper Bracket)

Welcome to Thursday, ladies and gentlemen. Today is the beginning of the real March Madness but the last part of the first round of Ogle Madness.

Today we head out west, where the games include a really tall guy from New Zealand and the most attractive Ogle:

(1) Lacey Swope vs (16) Emily Sutton's Okie
(8) Dean Blevins vs (9) Abigail Ogle
(4) Steven Adams vs (13) Bethany
(5) Oklahoma Hoodie Wearer vs (12) Video Vigilante

(1) Lacey Swope vs (16) Emily Sutton's Okie

Lacey Swope

Who she is: The defending Ogle Madness champion

Strengths: Killing animals

Weaknesses: It's always harder to win the second time around

-

Emily Sutton's Okie

Who he is: The member of Emily Sutton's family that we're not all jealous of

Strengths: Can totally take Channel 9's weather-dog in a dog forecasting contest, which is a thing I just invented in my head.

Weaknesses: A really bad combover.

-

-

(8) Dean Blevins vs (9) Abigail Ogle

-

(8) Dean Blevins

Who he is: Pretty boy sports anchor and radio pee-er.

Strengths: Great hashtag creator #CumInHandy2Nite

Weaknesses: He's wrong about almost everything.

-

(9) Abigail Ogle

Who she is: Future ruler of this town

Strengths: Her last name

Weaknesses: Her Facebook fans are real jackasses

-

-

(4) Steven Adams vs (13) Bethany

(4) Steven Adams

Who he is: Funny interview-giver and surprisingly good basketball player

Strengths: Those Kiwi good looks

Weaknesses: His hands. Catch the ball, Steven!

-

(13) Bethany

What it is: OKC's worst suburb

Strengths: That sparkly brand new crematorium

Weaknesses: They keep electing immoral bigots.

-

-

(5) Oklahoma Hoodie Wearer vs (12) Video Vigilante

(5) Oklahoma Hoodie Wearer

Who they are: Hoodie-loving people of Oklahoma

Strengths: Comfort and warmth on a crisp fall day

Weaknesses: Our moronic legislators might try to make them illegal again

-

(12) Video Vigilante

-

Who he is: OKC's pre-eminent prostitution video-taper

Strengths: People like sex, and people like money. He's not in danger of being out of work any time soon.

Weaknesses: Has probably seen some things that he'll never be able to shake

-