As you probably know, The Garth Brooks National "F*ck You, Oklahoma City!" Concert Tour is at the BOK Center in Tulsa this week. The selfish, greedy, everyman modern country crooner and his wife, Trisha Yearwood, are playing six shows in Oklahoma's second city. Three of them were on January 9th, 10th and 11th, while three more are scheduled for the 15th, 16th and 17th. Unfortunately, Chris Gaines has not yet made an appearance.
The shows have been sold out for quite a while, with white, basic people of all ages snatching up tickets to hear Garth sing their favorite songs that are not available on Spotify or YouTube, because, once again, Garth Brooks is a selfish, greedy, everyman who thinks he knows the best way you should hear his music.
One of those white people is Shelby Javernick. We know this because she accidentally bought tickets to the wrong show, and is now spamming everyone on Facebook and Twitter in an attempt to get free tickets to one of the remaining concerts:
Once again, those are only a few examples. Check out her timeline. She's tweeting just about everyone her not-sad, not-sympathetic-in-any-way-at-all story. My favorite part is that she tweeted Garth Brooks for help. Like he's going to do anything. The guy is so greedy that he took back a donation from a hospital because they wouldn't make his mom's name on the building big enough. The only way he's going to help a fan get tickets is if they have a sad health condition or personal tragedy that will make him look good in the media.
Since there's not yet a Make-A-Wish Foundation for dumb, absent-minded people who forget to pay bills, book the wrong flights or order the wrong concert tickets (which sucks, because it would really benefit me) I did some checking around and was able to score some tickets for Shelby. You don't think we'd criticize and make fun of her without helping, right?
Here are the details:
Can you believe that?! Stubhub has 274 Garth Brooks concert tickets for sale. Sure, they may cost a little more than what Shelby originally paid for them, but that's the price you pay for not taking your Adderall. Trust me, I know.
Anyway, now that I wrote all this, expect Garth Brooks's handlers to have a sudden change of heart, get Shelby some tickets and then invite her on stage to sing "She's Every Woman." If so, I hope she tweets every media outlet in town and tells them the story. We could use the publicity.