Lost Ogle Q&A: Joe Dorman
12:16 PM EST on November 3, 2014
Tomorrow, Oklahoma voters will go to the polls to choose their next governor. In one corner, you have the struggling incumbent Mary Fallin, a conservative, polarizing, "family values" Republican who once got engaged in the Playboy Mansion grotto (pronounced "grot-oh"). In the other corner, you have rural Oklahoma good ole' boy Joe Dorman, a conservative Democrat who would probably like to meet his future wife in the Playboy Mansion grotto.
Last Monday, I sent each candidate a list of 15 identical questions to get their thoughts on important topics like weathermen, Wayne Coyne and the towns of Hooker, Beaver and Slapout. It's very similar to what we did with Councilman Shadid and Mayor Cornett earlier in the year, and the Q&As we had with the other Oklahoma Gubernatorial candidates in 2010.
First up, we have Joe Dorman's responses.
I met Joe five years ago at the 2009 Norman Music Festival. He was walking the streets searching for babes while wearing a Parrothead t-shirt, and I was walking the streets searching for babes while holding a giant cardboard cutout of Jim Traber. For some reason, I don't think either one of us were too successful in our searches.
Since then, Joe and I have gradually become "Frienquaintances." It's not like we're BFF's or anything, but we run in the same social circles, know a lot of the same people and go to the same bars. Heck, I even think Joe tried to date two or three of my ex-Ogle groupies. I don't blame him. I have great taste.
In 2012, Joe hit me up to have The Lost Ogle sponsor his "Unspeaker's Ball," a charity fundraiser organized as a response to T.W. Shannon's big Speaker's Ball. Even though Joe lied and did not introduce me to Rush Springs Watermelon Princess Joleen Chaney like he promised, the event was fun and raised a lot of money.
If you would have told me at the Norman Music Festival, Unspeaker's Ball or table at the Cock O' The Walk that Joe Dorman would some day be a serious candidate for governor, I would have laughed and said "Yeah right, and Kansas State, Baylor and TCU will be the class of the Big 12 in football." Seriously, Joe Dorman having a hail mary's chance of unseating Mary Fallin really is that surreal. And you know what, I hope he does it because he'll be a much better governor.
Anyway, here's our Lost Ogle Q&A with the Oklahoma Democratic nominee for Governor, Mr. Joe Dorman. We'll have Mary's up later today...
Q: It’s been over one year since Lord Gary England retired as The Severe Weather Savior of Oklahoma. Who do you now watch during storm season?
A: It is just too soon to move on to someone else. I flip channels to see who is the most entertaining.
Q: When driving to the Oklahoma panhandle, do you chuckle whenever you pass through the towns Beaver, Hooker or Slapout?
A: Did you know Ada and Harrah are the only two communities in Oklahoma that can be spelled the same forwards and backwards? What was that question again?
Q: What’s the first thing you do whenever you feel an earthquake? Check Facebook or turn on the TV?
A: Trick question! Everyone knows to check Twitter.
Q: What will you do to ensure that Oklahoma and Oklahoma State don’t suck at football?
A: Extend the Thunder basketball season. Deflection!
Q: What’s do the inscriptions on the Heavener Runestone really say?
A: Do not let Mary Fallin shut down this state park or any of our other parks and lodges.
Q: Excluding something that we’ve put out there, what’s the meanest thing anyone has ever said about you on social media? Do you pay attention to that stuff?
A: I try to read the different sites to keep up with the interests of supporters. I am on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Some of the posts from detractors get pretty entertaining. You need a good sense of humor to take it all in stride.
Q: Who would you rather be photographed with – Janet Barresi or Barack Obama?
A: That is a tough question, but I do know that a picture with Cardboard Jim Traber almost ruined my early career. As crazy as this election has been, they used a photo of me with Joleen Chaney, Emily Sutton, and Bobbie Miller at a charity event in an attack ad. That shows how out of touch my opponents truly are!
Q: What are your predictions for the upcoming Thunder season? Also, would you support tapping into the rainy day fund to help the team re-sign their stars?
A: Is it the 2015 college football season yet? Just kidding. I am hoping this will finally be our year to win it all after we get Russell and Kevin back! I think that idea could be classified as an emergency. We know people at the capitol have wasted money on far worse tax credit ideas.
Q: Have you ever tried marijuana?
Also, do you think adults who possess and/or use small amounts of marijuana in the privacy of their home – whether for medicinal or recreational purposes – are dangerous heathens who should be charged with a serious crime that results in a criminal record, hefty fines and possible jail time?
A: I have never tried marijuana, but I’ve been to 18 Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band concerts and there was occasionally that funky smell coming from the crowd.
In all seriousness, Oklahoma too often incarcerates people we are mad at, not just the people we’re afraid will do harm. We need to get out that habit by renewing the Justice Reinvestment Initiative and lock up the truly violent offenders while rehabilitating the rest.
Q: On the topic of marijuana, you have met Wayne Coyne. What do you think about his new partnership with Miley Cyrus?
A: It brings a whole new meaning to Achy, Breaky Heart.
Q: Have you been invited to a gay wedding yet? Also, now that gay marriage is legal, when should we expect the foundations of Oklahoma society to crumble and fall into the ground like they were built on red dirt? Well, technically all of Oklahoma is built on red dirt, but you get my point.
A: I have not been invited to one yet. I think my friends have realized that I am staying pretty busy on the campaign trail.
I think we’ve talked plenty about earthquakes and the real reasons they occur in Oklahoma.
Q: Can you all dig up any dirt on Emily Sutton’s serious fireman fiancé? We think she’s making a big mistake.
A: I’ve hung out with both of them and he’s a cool dude. As governor, I will work to protect his firefighter pension and benefits along with all pension systems for our hardworking employees.
Q: Why is it illegal to buy a six-pack of beer directly from a local brewery during a tour, but you can still get a pack of cigarettes from behind the counter of a Walgreens?
A: It’s not illegal for microbreweries to sell their locally crafted low-point beer outside their facilities. I know because I authored that law. We need some modernization with our alcohol laws in Oklahoma.
Q: What’s your least favorite state that borders Oklahoma?
A: States that steal away our good teachers because they pay well over $10,000 more in starting pay, states with better county roads than our state highways, and states willing to take Oklahoma taxpayer money to fund their own Medicaid expansion because Mary Fallin refuses to cover 180,000 of Oklahoma's working poor.
Q: Thanks for the Q&A. We saved the most difficult question for last… can you say something nice about your opponent?
A: She is pretty confident that no one cares more about Oklahoma.... no one. We shall see if Oklahoma voters agree with that attitude on Tuesday.
We'd like to thank Joe Dorman for taking the time to field our hard-hitting questions. Read more about Joe Dorman at his website or just listen to Jimmy Buffet on YouTube.
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