Welcome to the semi-finals of our 2014 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest. It's the annual event where we put aside our differences, bond as one, and mercilessly make fun of deep-fried fair freaks in order to get a cheap laugh and feel better about our own sad, pathetic, totally normal, socially acceptable lives.
This year, we received only 150 or so entries, and a couple of them are all-timers. Before we get to the photos...
Snark Disclaimer. Once again, if you stumbled across this link on your niece’s Facebook page and are easily offended and politically correct, I should warn you that The Lost Ogle is an irreverent satirical news and entertainment website. It’s not for everyone, and should not be taken seriously if you’re nice, kind-hearted and only have nice things to say about people. We started this contest seven years ago as an absurd alternative to other State Fair Photo contests. If you take everything way too seriously, and poking fun at our state’s fine people and Walmart culture bothers you, stop reading now and head over to The Pioneer Woman. Similar to our state fair photo contest, most of that site’s content is also depressing. It’s just nicer.
With that being said, here are the first 9 semi-finalists. Check them out and vote for your three favorite after the jump. You can view the other 9 semi-finalists by clicking here.
The Sniper
It's always good to see a young Chuck Norris enjoying his first Oklahoma State Fair. I bet he was there with his youth militia group. I wonder what he's shooting at? I hope it's either a clown, carnie or terrorist. Those things are scary.
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Shredder
Fashion statements like this happen every day at Crossroads Mall, so it's not that weird, but still, did she just make out with Edward Scissorhands? Zing! I doubt it. She was probably in the process of ripping off her shirt like Hulk Hogan, but ran out of breath and had to stop because her bra was cutting off her circulation.
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Breaking Batman
I'm pretty sure I remember seeing this guy in an episode of Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy or COPS. I'm not sure which one. It doesn't matter. Even with the pink nails, skull rings, orange suspenders, and tribal tattoos, he would still make a better Batman than Ben Affleck.
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Where's Weirdo
If they ever release another Where's Waldo book, can they please include an illustration of Waldo lost inside the Oklahoma State Fair? Wouldn't that be kind of cool? It would sure beat having to find Waldo in a crusades battle or pirate ship. I bet the illustrator would be an asshole and hide Waldo in the ferris wheel or cinnamon roll line.
Also, I don't think the question here is why some goober dressed like Waldo is cruising the fair. I also don't think it's why some cute piece of Miss Sunshine ass is strolling around holding his hand. No, the real question is why he has another cell phone in his left pocket.
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Miss State Fair
There's always money in the banana stand...
We received a dozen or so entries of Miss State Fair. Apparently she was roaming the grounds of the fair threatening to flash innocent bystanders or show them the needles inside her fanny pack. Also, this is what the back of her shirt looked like:
I don't know what the bottom line of the shirt actually says, but hopefully it's either "a barf bag" or "intense therapy."
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Princess The Hutt
I don't like to make fun of obese people. However, I do enjoy making fun of obese people who wear sweatpants from their youth. That's just disgusting. Does the lady think she's at Walmart where dressing like that is acceptable? Someone needs to take that princess hammer from between her legs and whack that stomach or bean bag or whatever it is back inside her pants.
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YOLO Lady
Here's a YOLO for you: You're Old Lady, Old.
Well, at least way too old to wear that hat.
In all seriousness, I know you only live once, but that doesn't mean you should wear your granddaughter's asshole boyfriend's hat to the fair. If Drake sees her wearing that thing he'll come up with a new catchphrase.
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Pop The Trunk
The extremes people will go to smell like a new car...
Honestly, I can't judge. The first thing I do when checking out a new car is see how many people can fit in the trunk. What the hell is that lady doing? Is she being rescued? It looks like she's been trapped in there for weeks. The man should show some decency and let her use his mullet to pull herself out. If that doesn't work, they can use that other woman's boots as a makeshift ladder.
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M.C. Shit Stainz
Boy, Zero's hype man just can't catch a break. I bet he was rapping about how he could really use some Oxiclean. It's part of his new rap ballad "Shit On My Jorts." The chorus goes a little something like this:
"Got shit on my jorts, playa, shit on my jorts,
got me a ho, playa, hope she aborts
'cause I got shit on my jorts"
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Here is PART II. You can vote for THREE photos. Voting ends on Sunday night. One ballot only, please.
