This whole trend where people bathe in public fountains and splash pads has to stop. Well, unless you're a Thunder Girl shooting an urban swimsuit calendar. If that's the case, please continue.
I bring this up because, once again, Oklahoma City police have arrested a man for bathing near downtown. This time the culprit is Jorge Arturo Perez. He was caught taking a dip in that Bricktown fountain near Harkins theatre. He was also trying to wash his hair... with mayonnaise.
Yep, mayonnaise. Obviously, he's not from around here or he would have just used Hidden Valley Ranch like the rest of us.
Oklahoma Police say a man was arrested for bathing in a city fountain.Officers received complaints about the man in the fountain at Reno and Mickey Mantle.When officers got there they found Jorge Arturo Perez, 23 soaking wet and breathing hard.Perez told police that he was taking a bath in the fountain and was washing his hair with mayonnaise.The officer told him a city ordinance prohibited him from bathing in the fountains and canal.Perez was arrested and taken to jail.
First of all, I did a Google search and some people out there really do wash their hair with mayonnaise. They're the same people who wear vinegar cologne and bacon flavored underwear.
Thank God this didn't happen when that Boston Globe writer was in town, otherwise everyone in Boston would think Oklahomans are into communal bathing and kinky shit with condiments:
"Upon leaving Cattlemen's, we took the ramekins of mayonnaise the waiter provided to us – they call it Ranch in these parts – and proceeded to wash our hair in a fountain at a neighborhood park. It's a traditional Oklahoma custom that dates back to when early pioneers would use mayonnaise to break in their cowboy hats."
Also, I wonder what would have happened if those hipster food foragers from that fancy restaurant stumbled across this guy? After saying a prayer and thanking their God, I bet they would have jumped into the fountain and scraped the mayonnaise off of Jorge's head. It would go great on their urban tuna fish sandwich.