By now I’m sure you’ve heard about that crazy lady in Noble who thought it was okay to call the girls at Noble High “skanks.” If not, let me get you up to speed. Ronda “Mama Bear” Bass is 85% hairdo and 15% concerned about what other schools are saying about the Noble High girls. Please note, she is also 100% the superintendent you don’t want around your kids.
According to KFOR.com:
Bass says she’s very protective of her students and after she saw what some of the girls were wearing she decided to sit them down at the end of the day.
“The first question I asked was how many of you in here believe that there are female students on the campus today that are dressed completely inappropriate,” says Bass. “Most of their hands went up.”
But that’s not what senior Stephanie Stewart remembers.
Stewart says, “The first sentence was, ‘Have y’all ever seen any ‘skanks’ around this school’. Around the end she said, ‘I don’t want to see anyone’s ass hanging out of their shorts.”
We asked Bass if those words were ever used.
“I knew that students from other towns were calling our girls really negative names. The message I wanted to send to them was I don’t want them to be called those names,” says Bass. “I want us to be known as the classy lady Bears.”
So this morning Bass followed up, unannounced.
According to Stephanie she asked just the girls to stand up while she did a dress code check, even asking some of the girls to bend over.
Stephanie was singled out because in Bass’ opinion her dress was too short.
Bass says, “If you’re not comfortable with bending over, we might have a problem.”
Firstly, girls, if anyone ever asks you to bend over, you have express permission from Gentle Marisa at The Lost Ogle to break their face in. Secondly, it’s disturbing the amount of joy this middle-aged woman is getting from shaming the young women in her care. Thirdly, is anyone else as peeved as me that this hairstyle monstrosity has adopted the moniker of my favorite ursine matriarch from Stan and Jan’s catalog of works?
As for caring about what others are saying about Noble girls, well, trust me, Mama Bear Bass. Other schools are talking about your girls now. Hell, Jezebel talked about your girls. And it’s more like everyone talks about how they feel so sorry for them because you’re so awful.
But this got me to thinking. Surely Mama Bear’s heart is in the right place. (No word on how her hair got so far in the wrong place.) I mean, as a Normanite, I hear a lot of talk about Noble girls, and it’s mainly how they grow up to work at Suger’s on Campus Corner. At least, that’s the prevailing myth. So maybe Mama Bear is really trying to change that around. And now parents are creating petitions and girls aren’t letting her slut shame them into becoming classy ladies. What troubling times we live in!
Maybe what she needs is a dress code that backs her up. If her motives were good, then surely rewriting the dress code to support her isn’t a bad idea. The end justifies the means, after all. That’s why I’ve drafted up a new Noble High School dress code for your review. If we get enough positive feedback in the comments, we can probably just email it over to the Noble School Board and get it approved. That way, Mama Bear can keep calling girls sluts forever!
Anyhow, without further ado, here’s our proposed dress code.
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Make sure it disproportionately affects girls.
You know those teen boys will show up to school in gym shorts and a hoodie with pit stains. That’s fine. The dress code isn’t really designed to ensure that students look presentable. It’s there so you can impose all sorts of restrictions on young women. They need to know that short skirts aren’t okay. Unless they’re cheerleaders. They can totally wear those skirts to school on game day.
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Use super offensive words that a student would be punished for using.
If “skank” isn’t your style, I recommend “slut”, “slut puppy”, “whore”, and “harlot.” If you want something more vintage, maybe “trollop” is a good option for you!
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Let girls know that their worth is directly linked to their clothing.
The best way to ensure that women are insecure for the rest of their lives is to target them when they’re young. Everyone knows it’s easier to sell products to insecure people, since they believe their situation will improve if they buy what you’re selling. By making these Noble girls insecure about their clothes, you’ve really shown them that 1.) they can be dirty whores just by wearing the wrong thing--no sex involved, and 2.) they need to buy the right things to be good people.
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Shame and humiliation are the priorities.
Self-esteem isn’t for young women. See the aforementioned point.
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Use student safety as a clever ploy whenever you can.
It’s for the good of the girls, right? I mean, if you, a person in power who should be trusted to protect them, don’t publicly shame them, their well-being is in danger. They need to know that everyone is judging them constantly, especially those who are in the position of caretaker.
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But seriously, you guys. Lay off your bullshit dress codes. No one will die if a girl wears shorts that aren’t as long as her fingertips. And if a bra strap peeks out from a tank top, kids will ignore their studies just the same as they would otherwise. The real violation here is that Mama Bear hair.
Marisa has a lot of opinions about haircuts. Sometimes she conveys them on Twitter.
